What to do when a pursuer pulls away

Free asks: I was in a relationship with this guy for the past month. I’ve known him for five years, but wasn’t so close before. He always keeps messaging me and says that he loves me, but when I initially kissed him, then all those things went a little less. Moreover he’s having his studies, and his parents are mad at him because he doesn’t study. He didn’t spend New Years with me. I felt bad, but instead I messaged him keeping my ego aside. But he read the message and didn’t reply for days. I even asked him later if everything was okay – and he even didn’t reply. What should I do?

Hi Free –


So if I’m understanding correctly, for almost five years he’s been pursuing you, telling you he loves you, and such.  And then a month ago you two finally kissed, and since then he’s been distant?


Well you may be right to focus on his studies and his parents; maybe he’s under lots of pressure to think about something other than you.  But if so, he ought to have the courtesy to tell you!  Maybe he needs to stay focused till some tests or something.  But the only way for you to know that would be if he opened up about it.


Or perhaps he’s a guy who, like all us dogs, just loves the thrill of the chase.  So much so that, once he’d managed to get you to kiss him, suddenly he lost interest in you.


In either of these cases, my inclination is to step away from him a bit.  Let him feel what it’s like to not  hear from you for a few days.  Let him live not knowing what you’re feeling or doing.  Let him imagine a bit – you off with friends, you off with other guys, you kissing those other guys!  (You don’t have to tell him you’re doing those things; humans’ imaginations work just fine on their own!).


Most of the time, this will work pretty well.  Either he’ll come back to you begging to connect, or he’ll stay that detached, meaning you should just move on.


But if he does come back, let him know – the way he behaved is NOT the way you want or deserve to be treated!  So if he wants to keep you around, he’d better change his ways!


Honestly , the way he’s acting, I don’t think you have a choice.  Give him some space and see what happens.


Hoping it works out for the best!


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