When you feel for someone you rejected

Harry asks: There is a girl in my class. At the start of the semester I had a crush on her but I didn’t want a relationship then, so I let it go. Now she is seeing my friend. When I see them together, something happens in my heart. Nowadays I keep thinking about her… So what should I do??

Hi Harry –


Well, I have two bits of good news, and one bit of bad.  Though you already know the bad – you missed a chance to tell her how you felt back then, and she moved on.


But then those good news pieces:  First, you have grown in these months, and now realize you’d like a relationship.  I guess that realization always comes with pain, because the only way to know you feel it is to be aware of the lack of it.  Have you ever heard that old song about the fun but painful moment you suddenly “hate yourself for being single?!”


And second, of all people in the world, she’s seeing your friend.


Well that leads to two new bits of good news.  First, her being with him gives you lots of opportunities to get to know her better.  And for her to get to know you better.  Maybe all your best qualities, which you make a point of showing when the three of you are together!


And second – relationships in school usually don’t last terribly long.  Maybe he and she’ll be together for a few months.  But they’ll change, they’ll get sick of each other, one of them will do something the other can’t stand… and you’ll be right there, ready to help!


So I’m not telling you you’re wrong to be frustrated and disappointed in not having talked to her before.  But think of this pain as being like when you were born.  It was extremely uncomfortable to go through that birth canal (or to be pulled out if your birth was a Caesarian).  But every great experience you’ve ever had – including looking at this beautiful girl – required you having gone through that.


You’ve just had another birth, into a new stage of life.  And yeah it hurts.  But wow, look at the possibilities that lie ahead!!


Best of Luck!


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