How to keep a relationship working when living together

Lila asks: It’s been only two and a half months and he’s asking me to move in with him. We spent the whole summer together, but people are saying it won’t last, that we will be sick of each other. How can I make that not happen?

Hi Lila –


I’m not sure what you’re asking.  Do you want moving in together to not happen, or getting sick of each other to not happen, after you move in together?


If it’s the first one, you just have to say no, that you love him and want to keep your relationship going, but that it’s too soon for you to do that.  And hopefully he’ll understand.


But if you mean the second, that’s a very common concern.  It comes up with all couples, especially when they’ve been together for a few years.  This is why we see married couples going into couples therapy, or just planning date nights or romantic getaways.  But I think that’s looking too far ahead.


For now, if you two decide to do this, I think the big danger is being together all the time.  It’s great that you love each other and want that togetherness, but make sure you each have lots of other activities as well.  Plan a night where each of you goes out with other friends, every week.  Do activities that don’t include each other.  And also plan activities with  each other that are fun and not at home.  Whether that’s socializing with other friends or going for hikes or… how about volunteering at animal shelters!  We pups can always use some help, and you two will feel GREAT about yourselves for having done something so good.


It really doesn’t matter what activities you choose, just things that you enjoy and give you some meaning.


Oh and one other thing.  When you do begin to take each other for granted, as always happens, remember to overcome that by doing something every day to let the other one know how much they mean to you.  I can’t tell you how wonderful it is when I’ve been lying on the floor for a few hours, bored, in and out of sleep, while Handsome’s been consumed with work or watching TV or whatever, and suddenly there he is, waking me up with cuddles and kisses, and telling me I’m the best thing ever, and that the best thing about his day was that I was in it.  Doing that will help a lot!  It sure does for me!


Whichever you choose, I’m so happy this is going well!  Keep it up!


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