What to do when you realize a long romance has been a cheat to others all along.

bssk2412 asks: I’ve been married for 34 years, living with our family. About four years ago l met a divorced mother, and we got emotionally attached. I got involved in this because l wasn’t having the emotional connection with my wife. Everything was good between this lady and me, we really got close to each other emotionally and physically. But over the last few months suddenly she started behaving guiltily. I’m really attached to her and love her. But suddenly she’s making me realize, after four years of a steady relationship that I’m cheating on my wife. I’m so disturbed and confused. Please advise me on this, what should l do.

Hi bssk2412 –

If you’ve looked around my website, you know that I live with a human named Handsome, and we adore each other more than anything.  I would never do anything to hurt him or myself.

But if I see a cat or squirrel across the street, and I’m not on a leash or indoors, nothing stops me from running as fast as I can to catch them.  Including the fact that there might be a car speeding down the street.

So far I’ve been lucky every time I’ve done this, but it nearly gives Handsome a heart attack each time (I’ve come very  close to getting hit).

I certainly don’t do it on purpose.  It’s just that when I see a cat or squirrel, my brain goes completely blank and I don’t notice anything else.

My friend, you’ve been chasing a squirrel – for four straight years!  And this woman just has made you aware that you’ve dodged a car every day for that whole time!

That’s quite an awakening, I imagine!  Good morning!!!


I’m certainly not the first to say that Love Is Blind, but your relationship is one of the more amazing cases I’ve ever seen of that blindness!

Now, you ask me for advice, but I really can’t give it.  Because I don’t know about some very important issues.  And I’m not sure you do either, yet.


As a dog, I’m not here to tell a person that divorce is a right or wrong thing to do (I do care a great deal about how children are treated in divorces, but that’s another issue for another time).  It may be that the best thing is for you and this woman to admit your love to everyone, for you to get a divorce, and to marry her.

It also may be that this “blind love” has served a purpose (giving you something you were missing in your marriage), but now it’s time for you and her to grow up and move on with your lives – her to find someone else, and you to work with your wife to make your marriage better.

And, while it’s very risky, maybe the best choice is for you and this woman to keep a discreet relationship going for a while, while you remain a loyal husband and father – at least till your children are grown (when you say you live with family, I’m assuming you mean you have kids; if not, that makes things much easier).


What cannot happen, ever again, is for you two to be unaware, to have this “blind love.”  That’s over.  She woke up, and woke you up.


It’s now time to assess what you have, what you want, and what you’re willing to give up.

I’m glad to help in any way I can, but these decisions are fully up to you and this lady.


It’s a new world.  Better in some ways, not in others.


Time to step into it, and discover your future.


All my best,


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