How to trust a better boyfriend or girlfriend after being hurt by a worse one.

Lila asks: I’ve been in a really screwed up relationship, and now I have an awesome understanding supportive boyfriend. How can I tell him I can’t trust his female co-worker around him? She just tried opening the bathroom door while she thought he was in there! How can I bring this up to him without getting mad or him thinking I’m crazy?

Hi Lila –


Well I think you answered your own question.  If he’s awesome, and understanding, and supportive, then he ought to not get too mad when he finds out you have concerns about his co-worker.  Even if he doesn’t agree with your worries, he shouldn’t be angry about them.


I see this a lot in humans – and in dogs too (if you go onto my website and find the article “Aria’s Agenda,” that’s about just this).  You’ve been in a relationship with a lousy person, and then when you’re in one with a better one, you keep expecting them to treat you the way the jerk did!  This guy’s better!  Trust that!


But onto the other issue… this woman WHAT?!??!  Now I’ll admit, I like to walk into bathrooms when people are in there, because the smells are so interesting!  But I’m a dog!  Most people over the age of four are WAAAAY past doing anything like that!


So my big question to you is how you know she did this.  Did she do it in front of you (which means she’s COMPLETELY NUTS), or did she tell you about it (maybe CRAZIER), or did someone else tell you they saw it?


If she did it in front of you or told you, there’s nothing for you to get mad about.  Just tell your boyfriend how cuckoo she is, and laugh about it.  He’ll likely be a bit scared, and make VERY sure he always locks the door from now on!


And if someone else told you this, then that’s all you know – that they said it to you.  So tell him that.  “Hey, this is weird, but someone at your work told me they saw ________ trying to open the bathroom door when you were in it.  I don’t know whether they’re right or not, but you ought to know for next time you use it!”


And that’s all you need to tell him.  He doesn’t want her in there any more than you do.  And if it’s true that she does that, he’ll mistrust her very quickly!


So again, I think you’re in way better shape than you think.  What matters is that you learn to trust this guy the way he deserves.


(And meanwhile, if it’s true she did this, you and he might try to help her get some help for her mental health!)


All my best,


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