Black coco asks: I have been in a relationship for 6 months and more. My BF and I are quiet people, but we have our fun and actually make a great team. We usually fight and argue just like any other couple (never gets physical), sometimes we don’t speak and just ignore each other, and I guess we are both too proud to admit either is wrong. I feel so lonely sometimes and it consumes me psychologically. I love him but I think I need to take a break. During this non-talking period I sat down and thought about so many things and I feel like I am tired. It’s not good to compare, but my ex made me feel wanted and never let me get this lonely. I don’t want to waste my boyfriend’s time and neither do I want to waste mine. We are in the same class doing law and he is a good time, but we often have these moments and they are becoming monotonous. I don’t have so much attachment to people so I can’t really find someone to tell. I thought about calling my ex and talking as friends, but his phone is off. Please help me – what should I do?
Hi Black coco –
As I love to point out, you humans have the most complex relationships! We dogs just love or dislike or fear (and hardly ever dislike). And if I like someone and they like me back, we’re good. End of story.
That’s not you guys!
One thing about this website, unless the writer tells me specifically, I never know the ages of the people that write in. And if you were twelve or so, I might think that this is a great opportunity to learn more about yourselves by talking things out and seeing where it all goes.
But you’re studying law, so I’m going to assume you’re in your twenties or so. In other words, you’re fairly grown-up. And so you probably have at least some sense of what life you want for your future. Marriage? Kids? Freedom from both?
And my answer to what you should do is all based on that. If you want to be a free spirit, then you’re in the perfect relationship. You’re in “a great team,” with someone who takes their space just as you do, and while you sometimes feel lonely, it’s all harmless.
But if you want more, then this relationship simply isn’t working. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with a partner who makes you feel lonely and unwanted? Would you want to have children in this relationship? I doubt it.
So my big answer to you is to determine what you want to be doing five years from now. And I think that will tell you what it is you need to do now.
And there’s one funny thing about relationships that leave a person feeling lonely: they’re the easiest ones to deal with having left! Your ex may have had problems, but he made you feel wanted, so you miss that. Whereas with this one (hey did you see I used the word “whereas?” Maybe I should be in law school too!), if you break up and are feeling lonely, you’ll look back on it and think “Hah, it’s no difference at all!”
Best of luck with this,