Leeeee asks: I moved in with my girlfriend and her 2 kids and we applied to buy a house together, but now there are funds that we should pay and we don’t have, so I suggested we wait and save up, and when ready we should apply again, but she disagrees and even told me she will try for the lawyers to remove me from the bond if I’m not willing to sacrifice. That suggestion of her made me wonder a lot! Now I actually doubt the entire buying story, please help I’m lost, am I doing the right thing?
Hi Leeeee –
Okay, this is one of those questions where I have to deal with the fact that I’m only hearing one side of the story. Maybe your girlfriend has a very different version.
But I can only work with what I’ve got.
If you’re right, that you two can’t afford the house you want, and you say you want to save up for one, and she’s threatening legal action to force you into paying more (or going into debt, or whatever ‘sacrifice’ she’s thinking), then my view on this is…
… You’re In Luck!
When humans get involved romantically, or even in business, they often choose to see each other in the best way. And it’s only when one of them really shows their true self that the other can tell that they’re not what they thought.
So first of all, from what you’re describing, I don’t think there’s any legal action she can do to you – you’re not even married, you certainly don’t owe her financial sacrifice for a home you can’t afford.
But what she’s done is shown you a really awful side of herself. She’s acting greedy and vindictive and even ignorant.
So now you know who she is. Yes, she has all those other wonderful qualities that made you fall for her before, but she has given you the gift of showing her the rest of herself too.
And so you get to make a choice. You could talk to her about how wrong she’s being, you could give her everything she wants, or you could break up.
It’s totally up to you.
But now you know what you’re dealing with.
(And of course, talking with her about everything might be the best idea, since her reaction to that conversation might help you decide to stay or go)
The great poet Maya Angelou said a line many people love “When someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time.”
Your girlfriend has just shown you a big part of who she is. Ask more, learn more… but believe what she’s shown. It’s real.
All my best,
Shirelle