How to pursue a crush who already has a boyfriend or girlfriend

ROhit1996 asks: A girl has been living in my house as a paying guest for a month. I like that girl so much, and I think she is also likes me. But one day I found out that she already has a boyfriend. I was disappointed, and tried to forget about her, but I can’t. I like that girl so much I want to live with her as a partner for a whole life. But because of her boyfriend, I can’t tell her my emotions. She told me that she is moving from here in one week, and now I can’t imagine a day without her! I enjoy her company so much and I want that company for life time. What should I do?!

Hi ROhit1996 –


I love it when I get romantic stories like this!  And I know there’s one person who’d love it even more than I would…  That Girl!

Now you’re absolutely right that you need to be very careful about how you treat her.  She’s a paying guest in your house, so it would be awful for you to put any giant pressure on her, or make her feel uncomfortable while she’s a renter.

But there’s the great news… she’s moving out in a week!  So you can tell her exactly how you feel, with no problem!

And here’s the thing that strikes me.  She’s been there a month, and you completely fell for her, without knowing she had a boyfriend.  Well unless you truly fell in love at first sight, this makes me think he’s not all that big a part of her life!  Maybe they’re dating, but she doesn’t talk about him or bring him around much, and you weren’t seeing him showing up at the door with bulging muscles and bouquets of flowers and a fancy convertible…

Which makes me think she’s not all that  attached!

And you don’t need to say all that stuff about what you’re doing the rest of your life, or even be full-on romantic.  Just say that you’ve loved getting to know her, and you’re really afraid of how much you’ll miss her, so you’d love to stay in touch, to keep seeing each other, to not lose her from your life.  Unless she’s moving to another town, it’s hard to imagine she’d refuse to do that.

And then, your bigger job starts!  After she moves out, you do fun things with her – lunches, maybe a movie, maybe invite her over to watch TV (you know she knows where you live!) – and bit by bit learn more about her, including just how close she and this ‘boyfriend’ are.

Because it sounds to me like there’s a good chance they won’t last!

And if they don’t, you want to be right there, with her more attached to you, to pick up the pieces!

Now that doesn’t sound so awful, does it?  So that’s my suggestion.

In summary, my friend, let her know.  Let her know just how you feel.  And if it’s too hard to say in person, tell her in a letter.  You could just put it under the door to her room if you want (it could seem creepy if you put it on her bed or something – you don’t want her to see you as a stalker!).  Or just put it right into her hand.


Oh, and one more thing.  Please let me know how it goes. OH how this pup would love this to work out!  Usually when I hear stories about “the girl next door,” it means the next house or apartment, not the next room!!!




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