Falling for someone who’s helping you through recovery

wxyz asks – I can’t get a girl. In the beginning of college, I became addicted to meth. This burden took away everything from me. Distanced me from society, friends, family. Finally I realized, I was trying to give up. Fighting alone with myself, nobody to support. I stopped going to college. Everyone there mocking me, ignoring me. Then sitting in the dark, I got her, got a person to talk. She became my rehabilitation. Yes! I am rehabilitating, but also to make myself up to her. Going to classes, trying to study, trying to come back. She is there always from long distance, watching me in college: what I am doing, where I am going, am I smoking and also am I eye-contacting with her or not. Can I hear something from you for me and her? Yes, I remember you saying to remind myself that she’s not mine. Can I say that I am hers?

Hi wxyz –



May I start by saying… WOW!  I am so impressed!  I’ve never had crystal methamphetamine, what’s commonly called meth (I’m such a hyper pup, Handsome won’t even allow me to taste coffee!), but from what I hear it’s one of the most addictive substances ever invented.  So the fact that you’re rehabilitating… I can only bow to you and say GOOD JOB – KEEP IT UP!!!


I only know a little bit about what people go through when they try to get over an addiction, but one rule I’ve often heard is that they shouldn’t get into a new romantic relationship too soon – that the work they’re doing to get over the drug is too difficult for them to also handle the difficulties of a new love.


So I’m going to give you a strong suggestion.  I say you should keep doing EXACTLY what you’re doing right now.


By that I mean that this woman can serve as an ideal, as a dream, as a goal for you to aim for in your sobriety.  Everything you say about her sounds just wonderful.  So why not let yourself see her that way?


Now she might be in another relationship.  She might marry that guy.  She might move away and have seven children, or she might even pass away… and you would still be able to keep her in just this way – in your mind and in your heart.


You see, I love my life way too much to ever want anything to take it away from me.  I love my friends, I love my activities, and I love myself.  No one who feels that way would ever do dangerous drugs.  So my wish is for you to learn to enjoy your life – and your hopes for the future – so much that it gets easier and easier for you to avoid that nasty meth forever.


And here’s the great news: every wonderful quality that woman has, other women have too.  While you’re working through your recovery, dreaming of a lady like her, you’re actually moving closer and closer to a life where you can find a lady like her for yourself!  They’re out there!


So on those tough nights, when you really really want to smoke again, think about her.  And think how great it’ll be when you can have her, or someone like her, as a girlfriend, or even wife.


And use that dream to make it happen!


Handsome just reminded me of a story he told me years ago.  He worked in a clinic with addicts, and there was this one man trying to get over meth, who’d been on it a very long time.  So long that the gums in his mouth had receded, and his teeth all looked long and kind of grotesque.  And he had a wonderful girlfriend he wanted to marry.  But he refused to marry her until he could have surgery to replace his teeth, so the wedding pictures would show a healthy smile on him.  And he couldn’t get the surgery till he had been clean from meth for three months.  He’d do well for a while, and then relapse (use it again) and have to start all over.  But eventually, he did it.  He got his three months, and he got the surgery, and he got married – with great photos.


My friend, this can be you.  This can be your future.  You’re doing everything right – including falling for such a wonderful woman.


Your job is just to continue what you’re doing.  Your future looks as bright as… as that guy’s new teeth!





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