Manisha asks: I have been in a relationship for the past 4 years. We are very serious about each other. I also have a job, but my boyfriend does not like this, but I want to do this job because it’s a good company and for me it’s a big opportunity. He wants me to leave this job because my job hours are 1pm to 10 pm, which he doesn’t like. Before this job I already worked with 2-3 companies also, but always he said to me that leave those also. I even worked in day shifts before, which he also didn’t like, but now I want to do this job and I want his support. He is short-tempered, and while I know he loves me very much, he speaks very harshly to me about my job. And his family also does not want me to do this. We have regular fights with each other. I don’t understand how to convince him. And I love him so much that I am searching for another job. So please tell me, is that good to work late at night? I have always to be on time, and on a daily basis I am doing video calls, phone calls – in short, I am giving my 100% for this relationship but I don’t want him to be sad. I don’t know what’s the problem with me doing this job. I can’t live without him. Should I leave this job for his happiness?
Hi Manisha –
Wow, I’m really torn on this. On one hand, I love that he wants more of you, that he hates having you away from him, but on the other, it sounds like he might have that attitude that says that women shouldn’t work – and that’s as last-century as Rin Tin Tin movies!
But in truth, I have no more right to give my opinion than he does. Less! Because I don’t know a hundred other issues.
For example, how is your boyfriend doing financially? Is he so well-off that he could support you and a family easily? So there’s no reason – if you two stayed together – for you to need to work? Or is he being silly, not acknowledging that he’d really need you to work for you two to be able to have a good life?
For another, could you change your working hours – or could he change his – so that you two could have more time together without one of you having to quit your job?
And beyond that, what’s his family’s interest in this? Do they just not like women working?
But really, all of these questions are secondary. The big one is what YOU want and feel now. Sure, you like your job, but if he insisted on you quitting it, would you? And if he did something fully unacceptable (like telling you what you have to do in life), would you be ready kick him out and to drown your sorrows in whatever way seems best?
For now, my suggestion is that you keep both him and the job, and see what happens next. But eventually, you will have to decide. I hope not between them.
See how he acts, and how his family does. And when you explain to them what you really want (if you figure it out), then you are in a place to make what might be a hugely difficult decision: What to do if he says “Job or Me.”
And with that one I can’t tell you want to do. But the more you learn about yourself, about this relationship, and about your job and future jobs – the more you’ll be able to make decisions on this.
Best of Luck – I sure hope this gets easier!