What to do when you start feeling more than friendship for a friend

Dhruv asks: My female friend can’t live without talking with me, and she’s not in a relationship (she was but went through a breakup). We used to call each other brother and sister, but my feelings towards her changed and I like her now. I’m so confused what to do? Please suggest something because all I came up with was to leave her and never look at her again.

Hi Dhruv –


Oh this is SUCH a difficult situation for you humans!  For us dogs, it’s easy – we just run up and jump on whoever we like, and if they don’t want us to, they push us away and we go do something else.


But for you, there’s so much fear involved.


Still, however, I think you only have one choice.  (Well, you could do what you’re saying, leave her and never speak to her, but I hate that!).


Here’s the important part.  You know she adores you.  Maybe she considers you a brother (and maybe she doesn’t), but even that’s a pretty special relationship.


In fact, think of it this way.  If your sister (I mean real, daughter-of-your-parents sister) developed feelings for you, wouldn’t you rather she told you, instead of running away?


So my advice is to tell her.  Yes I know it’s scary, and you want to do it in as delicate and sensitive a way as possible.  Something like “You are so important to me, and I don’t want anything to ruin the friendship we have.  But you are also a beautiful woman.  And over our years together, I’ve developed stronger feelings for you.  And I just need to know… is it possible you have any for me?”


What could she do, if you said something that beautiful to her?  If she does have feelings for you, oh then everything is fantastic.  Please invite me to the wedding!


But if not, you’ve already told her she’s safe, that you’re not going to make any demands on her.  So she can feel free to tell you the sad news, that she doesn’t love you in that way.


And then you two can start the next chapter of your friendship.


Maybe you’ll need a bit of space for a while.  Or maybe she can work to help find you a girlfriend.  Or maybe she’ll start to look at you in a new way, and give you a chance.


But none of these can happen unless you take the risk.


My friend, I know we dogs have lives much shorter than yours, but still, even your lives are too short.  Chances like this, to connect with someone you truly love, don’t come around often enough.  So I think you just have to dare.  Dare to speak up, dare to admit your heart, dare to love.


After all, without that, what is life even for?


I send you prayers and wishes for the best of luck.  PLEASE let me know what happens!




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