How much should you allow another person to demand when you’re first dating?

Wise asks: I’m dating someone online and I get to see him only when I’m in school cause he lives close to there. Everything was perfect until now, he’s always telling me to be more romantic and show him my revealing pictures but I don’t feel comfortable doing it – yet he doesn’t want to understand me. And he’s dating someone else but he said he doesn’t like that one, he likes me. But doesn’t want to break up with her. And we’ve only been dating for 2 weeks. Now I think I like someone else because I’m tired of the way things are going with my boyfriend. What do I do because I’m so confused?

Hi Wise –


Wow this sounds really difficult.  It’s cool that you met a boy near your school online, and things started off good, but I don’t like him asking you to send you revealing pictures (those can get into the wrong hands, or onto social media, SO easily!) – and two weeks is a bit soon to be demanding you get more romantic.  ESPECIALLY when he’s got another girlfriend!


So unless that other girl knows about you (and I’m betting she doesn’t), that means whatever relationship he has with you is CHEATING on her.  And that’s not fair to either of you.


Now here’s the funny part: usually when someone’s in a strange situation with a new romance, they feel desperate because there’s no one else available.  But in your case, there IS someone else you’re interested in.  Which is just great!  Because that gives you a simple and honest negotiating tool.


You see, what I want is for you to make some demands.  Like “If you want to be in this relationship, you’re going to have to act like it.”


And that would involve three things right away:

1) He has to break up with that other girlfriend (unless you and she are both okay with sharing him, and knowing about each other)

2) He has to give up on you sending him revealing photos of you – at least any more revealing than you’re comfortable with.

3) He has to understand that romance takes a little time, and that you aren’t going to let all your boundaries down too soon.


There’s nothing wrong with your setting these rules.  Boundaries are good – hey if Handsome didn’t have lots of rules for me I would definitely have run out into a street and been hit by a car long ago.


So let him know these are what you need from him, if he wants to go out with you.  And if he says he’s not willing or able to do them… then I say it’s time to walk up to that other boy and start a friendly conversation!


Best of Luck!


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