Priyankasodhi asks: My 8 months long relationship ended. I wasn’t able to go to my beloved’s place so he said I don’t want to be anymore in this relationship. We loved each other a lot, but we used to fight a lot. He always blamed me for everything always. He used to say, “You ruin the whole mood, you are making me go!” But I never really said anything to him. For example, we were having a good convo and I said “I love you” and in funny tone “cause you ain’t going to say it,” and he got furious at me. He said, How could you say this to me?!” I would wonder, “What did I just said to him? I know we aren’t any longer together, but I still wonder, was it all my fault?
Hi Priyankasodhi –
We dogs are the most loyal animals ever. We love our humans, and put up with all sorts of mistreatment and even abuse (Don’t get the wrong idea; Handsome doesn’t abuse me, except sometimes he hugs me so tight it makes me cough!). But even we will run away if we’re treated too badly.
Now there may be a lot of things you’re not telling me. Maybe you screamed all sorts of insults at your boyfriend. Maybe you hit him with a frying pan. So I can’t say anything for sure. But I can definitely say it sounds like you were trying to make this relationship work, while he was trying to find ways to blame you all the time.
And if that’s the case, then I have a simple answer for you: No! It wasn’t your fault that it broke up; it was ALL HIS!
Relationships are hard, and they need both people to want them to work. And if one member would rather find ways to insult or blame than to make the other feel good, there’s just no way they can succeed.
There’s an old term called “gaslighting,” which comes from a great play and movie about an evil man making his wife think she’s going insane. Now this guy isn’t that bad (or as good at it!), but he sure seems to have put a lot of effort into making you think you were doing something wrong, when instead he was doing it all.
So again, my answer to you is no, it wasn’t your fault. But my far happier statement to you is that your life is about to get SO MUCH BETTER as you move on in your life without him, and find other friends, and even another boyfriend, who treat you fairly and decently. (And if you’re really lucky, you’ll find a dog too, who’ll give you all the kisses and crazy love you’ve deserved this whole time!)
All my best,