AudreyKimberly146 asks: I’ve never had a boyfriend, but I’ve got a crush in the past, and now I’m interested in someone else. But that’s just my ‘official’ status. I’ve actually liked a few guys in the past, yet I only ‘acknowledge’ one as my actual crush. So my explanation may be weird, but please try your best to understand. My ‘system’ of crush is a bit of an odd one. When you play an online game, where you have to build a tower–as high as you can–you gotta start small am I right? Then it’s going to continue building until you mess up. But well, sometimes, new players who starts later than you, can rival you in terms of height, or even surpass you, right? Well, here’s the thing, my system is like that. First, I start liking someone (in the comparison to the tower game, this is when you start the game). I may not acknowledge him as my ‘crush’, but I acknowledge him as an ‘interesting person’. As it grows taller and taller, I eventually label this person as my ‘crush’. BUT. At the same time, another interest may start building as well! It’s not as tall as my crush, but I’m interested in him as well. But the ‘building process’ I am ‘supervising’ right now, isn’t my new interest. It’s my crush! So I won’t care about him. In some possible (rare) cases, he might catch up and I will have 2 crushes at the same time, but it only happened to me once and it dissolved quickly :/ Once I found out I liked 3 (ehem yes, three) boys at the same time, I pressed myself to pick just one. And I did. The other two ‘buildings’ just crumbled down. Well, continuing my story, the new guy may not be my ‘crush’ but I can’t deny I’m interested. But then, at one point, either it’s because of how the pressure of a taller building ‘kills’, I will lose my interest in that new guy. So that’s when he crumbled. But it can also be that the new guy’s building speed was so fast, it surpassed my crush’s height in no time! (Like my case this time.) And so, the crown ‘crush’ is taken by the new guy, and the status of my ‘old crush’ is ‘I moved on’ XD I like to consider this as me being faithful. I mean, geez, I WAS INTERESTED IN ANOTHER GUY YET I STAYED TRUE TO ONE XDXDXD But then, this can also mean that I’m just a cheap girl who falls in love easily. But again, this is just my crush! I never actually date anyone! And as much as I want you, Shirelle, to tell me “no! You are not cheap! You are faithful,” I decided to ask you to score me honestly. Maybe I’m in the middle? Maybe both characteristics are co-dominant? Please tell me!
Hi AudreyKimberly146 –
Okay, so you know how most dogs aren’t capable of mental capacities much beyond “Sit,” “Stay,” and “Heel,” right? And I’m pretty proud of how clever I am. But you’re asking a LOT here – WOW! Handsome tells me you’re using metaphor and simile and all these other verbal gymnastics, and says it all actually does make sense… but he’s going to have to explain all this tower stuff to me before I can answer anything. I’ll be back.
Okay.
Wow, okay, my head is spinning, but I think I’ve got it. You’re talking about the process of attachment you get to a crush, right? How at first it’s just a little interest, but after a while you get more and more attached to this person, and eventually you even feel a commitment to them, right?
And now you’re worried about whether you’re cheap or faithful?
Okay, AudreyKimberly146, so I have one very important thing to tell you about all this…
IT’S A CRUSH!!!
Crushes are joyous and sexy and fun, and totally safe because there’s not a real relationship there at all. A married person can remain completely faithful to their spouse and yet have a big crush. And because the object of one’s crush doesn’t have any attachment to the one who’s crushing on them, there’s nothing wrong with having crushes on more than one person at a time, even a lot of them.
(And of course, your crush doesn’t have to be a person! It could be an exceptionally gorgeous, brilliant, caring pooch! And if you let me know that you have crushes on me, and also Ed Sheeran, Justin Trudeau, and Rudolf Valentino all at the same time, I can tell you I wouldn’t be a bit jealous!)
Concepts like being “cheap” or “faithless” have to do with real commitments one makes to someone; worrying too much about them with crushes takes the fun out of crushing!
Think of it this way: I love my thin figure. And if I ate a large pizza every night, I’d lose it. But if I go to sleep every night dreaming about large pizzas, enough that I drool all over the floor, will that make me any unhealthier, or healthier? Fatter or thinner? More or less athletic? No, not at all.
And your crushes are like that.
Someday you’ll have a real relationship, maybe many. But till then, my advice to you is to let those towers build in your imagination and your heart. And if, for a while, there’s only one, that’s fine. And if you get so many it looks like Istanbul in there, that’s great too.
You see, this is the great thing about crushes: they’re only what you want. There’s no responsibility at all.
So enjoy them! Let your heart do cartwheels for one person after another!
(and maybe a dog too)
This is one of the great joys of life. Don’t deny it to yourself!
Best,
Shirelle