FORLLAH asks: I asked you a question recently concerning if I can date my friend’s ex. We’ve started dating, but I’m having a disturbed min. I’m 21 and he’s a year older than me. Do you think it would be appropriate to date him? Do you think I’d be respectful to him?
Hi FORLLAH –
This is a very easy question for me to answer: no problem at all!
If you and he were younger, I’d have a few concerns – some places have laws about what ages are okay for dating which ages, and when you’re much younger (say 11 and 12) I’d have concerns about what you mean by dating.
But at 21 and 22, you two are fine. There are reasons why most societies say one is an adult at age 21. You’re still growing and learning and maturing, sure, but you’ve learned a lot, and are ready to be treated as adults.
But there’s another issue here, about men and women. Little girls mature much faster than little boys. Emotionally and physically, a ten-year-old girl is probably equivalent to a thirteen-year-old boy, on average. And while of course boys’ physical maturity catches up soon, emotionally girls do tend to be a bit more mature than boys, up to even age 30 or so.
(or, some women would argue, forever through life!)
Now I’m not saying this to brag that you and I are so great and that fellows like this guy of yours and my Handsome are wonderful but inferior (although… oops… I did just say it didn’t I!). But rather to say that your dating a guy a year older than you is perfect – you’re just the right ages for each other! You’re actually more equal than if you were the same age!
So of course, I know there are many other issues here, and there might be perfectly good reasons why you two shouldn’t get together.
But age is NOT one of them.