Shalini asks: I’m in a dance group.and everyone here teases my partner in dance by my name like as if there is something between us but only to him; no one teases me regarding him and everyone teases him like they don’t want me to know about it, like in a manner which should not be exposable to me. What should I make out of it since I have started liking him now? Earlier I didn’t, but now I do – I didn’t even think much about him till the teasing got me to give him a second look – and I want to know if he too likes me (which would be the most probable reason as to why all of them smile at him and tease him by my name). He’s a big joker, so are they just having fun with him, or do you think he actually likes me? How can I tell?
Hi Shalini –
Let me make sure I have this straight: In your dance group, you have a partner you like, and you don’t know if he likes you or not, but everyone else teases him about liking you, while not teasing you.
Now I’m not a psychic, I’m only a dog. But I can come up with only two reasons for the way they act. One is great news, and the other is awful.
The great news is that everyone else can see that he really likes you, but you’re the only one who doesn’t see it. So hopefully at some point he’ll say or do something to show you that he likes you, and then you can let him know how you feel, and everything will be like that movie everyone likes right now where you two dance up in the air in the observatory!
The awful one would be if everyone knows you like him, and he doesn’t care so much for you, so they’re all making fun of him for that fact, embarrassing him. This one is bad enough already, but of course could get worse for both of you if you try to make something happen.
But why, if he’s a big joker and everyone likes to joke with him about things, would they choose to tease him about this one particular issue – his feelings (real or not) for you? There are so many other things they could tease him about!
So although he’s not giving you any signs you can read, I’m still suspicious that the other members of the dance group know something you don’t.
So I really have three bits of advice.
First, and this is my biggest suggestion by far, pick out the person in class you trust the most, and in as casual a way as you can, get them alone and ask them “Hey do you have any idea why everyone’s always teasing Ryan?” (I’m going to call you guys Ryan and Emma for now, just because of that observatory thing) And hopefully they’ll tell you, and at that point you can decide how best to deal with it. Something like “Are you kidding? You don’t realize it? He has the biggest crush on you of all time!” Or “Yeah, it’s kind of mean, but they’re all making fun of him for the fact you like him so much.”
But if there’s no one you trust to ask this, the other thing you could do is to try to figure out a way for him to let you know. Maybe you could ask him directly, “Why do you think they’re always teasing you?” Or you could make yourself clearly available to him for something “I really want to see that new movie where they dance on the cars! Have you seen it?”
Or there’s the third possibility, if those just sound too scary. And that’s just to relax as much as you can, and give it time. Keep dancing with him, keep friendly, and just see what he does. One thing about being teased, it’s almost always going to lead to something: maybe he’ll get so irritated by them that he asks you out, or maybe he’ll get so irritated he becomes kind of mean to you.
So those are my best suggestions. But above all of them, I have to say, my guess is that you like a guy who everyone knows likes you back, and just don’t realize it yet!!!
And that’s about as great a situation as I can imagine! It’s like when Handsome puts me into the car to go somewhere, and I don’t know if it’s for a walk or to visit a friend or for a veterinary appointment… and then he takes me out for a pizza!
But sadly, the only person who knows how he feels is him. Or is the correct grammar, “…how he feels is he”?) Or is it “…how he feels is himself”?)
Wow, I can’t even come up with the right WORD here, much less read his mind!
So, I’m sorry I’m being so not-helpful, but the best I can recommend is to be friendly. And maybe you’ll find out how he feels. But then also, if he wasn’t into you at the beginning, maybe your being friendly can make him like you better now!
And if so, you really should write this whole thing down, as it’s a great storyline for a musical!