arjai101 asks: I suppose I’m contacting you because I think I’m deluding myself again. Remember how I said no one has ever liked me or what not? Well, I think someone might. Most of myself believes I’m just imagining it all. But, there is this one fleeting part that has somehow convinced myself that it might be true. Sometimes, I swear I see this person staring at me. Once again, I could be imagining this or just making things bigger than they really are. But, they always seem to hear what I say and respond when I think no one else is listening. They always seem slightly flustered when they ask me a question. They seem to actually find the stuff I say funny. I know I making this all bigger than it seems. They probably just think I’m a decent person to associate with or maybe they’re just using me. And even if they did like me, then what? The thought of it seems thrilling. But, I wouldn’t really know what to do. The whole ordeal is perplexing and mind consuming. Anyhow, am I deluding myself? What do I even do anyways?
Hi arjai101 –
Well you know that first I’m going to tell you you were always mistaken, because I like you and always have! And I only wish I were able to meet you and jump on you and lick your face till you’re giggling so hard you scream for mercy… but I can’t, so you’ll just have to trust me on this one.
But as far as this other person goes… That’s Great! I’m so glad someone finally figured out what I’ve always known about you!
Or at least they seem to.
So there are a million things you could do. You can find lots of suggestions on my website – asking their friends, dropping hints, creating ways for them to be able to admit their feelings more easily, etc.
But in this particular case, I think there’s something even better you can do. Which is simply to do what I would do: be friendly.
Is this person at school with you? In a class of yours? Ask them to help you study. Are they someone you see in a park? Ask them to join you in what you’re doing. Someone you see at work? Ask if you can help them with their tasks.
You see, it sounds like they’re very shy. So trying to get them to open up and say “I have trouble falling asleep at night, but once my eyes close, all I can dream about is arjai101!” is going to be tough. But you can make the connection between you two easier.
See here’s the big deal – you’re scared of what it might mean to be liked, but they’re scared of you! Yes, I don’t think there’s anyone as scary to most people as the person they’re crushing on. Think about it – a mean robber down an alleyway might hit you over the head and steal your money, but then they’ll run away. But if you’re so crazy about someone that anything they do means the world to you, you’re in constant danger!
Handsome just reminded me of a folk song from maybe two hundred years ago, with the line “She wept with delight when he gave her a smile, and trembled with fear at his frown.” Now that is a crush!
So make it easier on this person, if they are liking you a lot, and get some connection going.
And if their staring and actions don’t turn out to mean what you thought, then no big deal, you’ve just been friendly to someone shy. That just makes you a terrific person, regardless!
But you know I’m hoping they’re flat-out nuts about you! (like ME!)
Can’t wait to hear!