How to go through being friend-zoned

AudreyKimberly146 asks: I really don’t feel good lately. I need a friend who’ll tell me everything will work out in the end. Even though this problem may seem stupid (gosh! Even I feel like it’s a stupid problem!!) I somehow can’t calm down. I feel so bad and I need someone who knows me truly, and understand what I’m going through. Well, I got friendzoned. He didn’t tell me face to face or anything (in that case, I won’t be writing this question but I’ll be bawling my eyes out), but I just know. Heck, he even admitted he used to at least slightly dislike me at first! And here’s the deal, I’ve been saying from the very start since I liked him that “OUR CHANCES OF BEING TOGETHER IS -100%!” To be honest, I still feel that way. It’s waay too impossible! He’s a friggin’ genius, there’s no way in hell he’d like me unless he’s a doofus! And continuously, a few of my inconsiderate friends whose hobbies are to rub salt on my wound, said “y’know, probably the cat’s out of the bag”. WELL YEAH, they kept on teasing me 24/7! If the cat’s not out of the bag then the cat’s probably dead! So the academic year is ending, and I asked him for a small note written for me. Things like “hi, thx for this year, hope we can be in the same class next year blablabla.” Well this little savage boi, started with an “Oi mate,” And that is how you can guess he’s friendzoning me. I mean, WHAT??? XDXDXD (I’m so sad to the point I laughed hahaha) Then he wrote very nice yet vague and unneeded thing: ” Thank you for working in group works unlike a certain someone.” Well, thank you for that. I guess I’ve been a useful colleague for almost a year huh? Glad to know that 🙂 Finally, the thing which killed me inside slowly yet so painfully; “you used to spread cancer but at least you don’t anymore.” WELL THEN I’M GLAD I STARTED EATING HEALTHIER SO I DON’T INFECT MY CANCER TO YOU PEOPLE AND GET CURED MYSELF! ;wwwwww; TTvTT Trust me, the rest of the day I kept on wondering when did I stop giving off such unlikeable vibes. I realized it was probably in January that he started treating me like, VERY nicely. And that’s probably the time when I stopped caring about my ‘image’ in front of him. I started laughing like usual, talking like a normal person without fearing to be disliked by him, etc. IF my train of thoughts were correct, that proved he likes me just the way I am way better than me fabricating my persona. The last, most questionable one (I kinda got him to straight his particular part out though), “So goodbye. -His name” He probably thought I was moving school or anything so I asked him, “why bye though? I’m not going anywhere?” He laughed it off and answered with a “well, still works. We may or may not be in the same class next year, so” This seems very minor, I’m MORE than well-aware about that. I know there are people are having way worse days than me. But my heart–well, I’m only a 10th grade after all–can’t take it. The slightest hints of rejection from him gives me the biggest heart attacks and rainstorms to form over my head and clouds there for the rest of the day. What do you think? I hope you’re not cringing from the stupid problem!

Hi AudreyKimberly146 –


No, I’m not cringing at all!


Actually, you’re not really asking me a question, are you?  You’re just coming to me with your feelings.  And I love that.  When I get to deal with people face-to-face, there’s nothing that makes me feel more important and needed than when I can lay my head on a sad person’s lap, and then let them hug me while they cry – and even to lick the tears off their face.  And I so wish I could do that with you, but instead I have to just do this whole artificial internet thing!  I can’t even smell you!  But I sure understand.


And I do relate to the whole “friendzone” thing.  I don’t develop relationships that aren’t friendly, but to me, friendzoning is like when Handsome eats food I’d really like to taste.  Now often, he gives me a taste, or even shares a good deal of it.  But sometimes, like when he has company over, he doesn’t give me any at all.  So I’m sitting there, as nice as I can be, hoping, waiting, almost begging… and getting nothing.  He still cares about me, is still friendly, but I’m not getting that extra something I wanted so badly.  And yes, that hurts!


But I can throw two thoughts at you.  Both about the ways teenagers are different from other people.


First, if you were a child, or an older adult, and you wanted someone to be a ‘special friend’ and they only wanted to be friends, you’d be disappointed, but that’s about all.  It wouldn’t rip you up like this.  But when humans are teenagers, it’s like all the brightness and the volume is turned up – everything is more intense and meaningful.  So what you’re experiencing is totally normal – even if other people react to you like you’re crazy!


But the other is that all teens have the same craziness going on in their heads and hearts you do.  INCLUDING THIS GUY!   So, while I can’t tell you for sure that you’re not in the friend zone, his odd behavior tells me that he’s confused too!  I’ve seen clear friendzoning – it tends to look like “Hey, I’m really flattered that you feel this way about me, but I really just want to stay friends.  Is that okay?”  It’s not a zillion mixed signals and strange comments!


So what this is all adding up to is my saying to you that you’re right on schedule, that your feelings are completely normal, and that you have absolutely no idea what’s going on in this guy’s head – and most likely, neither does he!


So certainly don’t commit yourself to him; he’s not worthy of you now.  But should you give up on him for the future?  I don’t know, but I sure wouldn’t insist on it!


After all, the mornings after those dinners with company, when Handsome throws leftovers into the microwave for breakfast, I almost always get to share them with him!


Best of Luck!



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