How to grieve a love that never got to start

Guadalupe asks: I like this boy and he is 16 and I´m 14. He said he would try having a relationship, but he didn’t want to hurt me, because he is leaving the school – but he hasn´t told me if he likes me. What should I do?

Hi Guadalupe –


If I understand what you’re saying rightly, this boy’s saying he’d like to have a relationship, but he’s afraid to have one with you because he’s leaving your school.  It sounds to me like he does like you, but is saying that there’s nothing he wants to do about it, because he’s going away.


If I’m reading it correctly, the situation is pretty simple, and somewhat sad.  I’m an expert in getting left – Handsome leaves me at home every day and I’m always devastated.


And just like me back at the house, there’s nothing for you to do.  This guy cares about you, but he has to leave, including leaving you to do whatever you need to.


So there’s nothing you “should” do.  Rather, my friend, your job is to do what’s best for you.  A few suggestions would be:


1)    Cry a little bit, because of course this hurts

2)    Write out your feelings into a journal

3)    Write a song about how it feels to be left (Everyone will like it, because everyone’s felt that way)

4)    Find a good friend and go out to a movie

5)    Eat something big and tasty and not-at-all-good-for-you

6)    Write more letters to me here and talk about how you’re feeling, and know that thousands of people are reading them and relating to your sadness

7)    Cry a little more.

8)    Meet other boys and get to know them, and maybe you’ll like one of them too.

9)    Go out for a walk and find a dog you can play with, and then hug that dog and feel how warm it is and how much it likes you, and cry just a little bit more and let it lick the tears off your face.

10)And, last but not at all least, know that this pain will pass, and life will get better than ever, once you’re past this.



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