Should you date before society says you’re ready?

negar.7 asks: Hello, I’m 14 and I’m from Iran. Here I can say that it’s not very good to have a boyfriend because when your parents found out that you do, they’ll probably get angry. And I’m a teenage girl who loves to talk with boys! So I would love to have boyfriend, but I think it’s too soon. Look, you know that we have a lot of restrictions, so what is the best choice? To have a boyfriend or not? Please help me. Thank you.

Hi Negar.7 –

It’s so interesting how this happens.  Many people write to me that they want a boyfriend or girlfriend now, and that others say they can’t.   But I have only had two people write me that they want one but they feel they shouldn’t because they’re too young.  Both of them wrote me in the same week, both are teenage girls, and both are in Iran!  So I’m not sure what that means, and I don’t know what part of Iran either of you lives in, but if you ever bump into someone named Lady Ritzy, you two have quite a bit in common!


I’ll tell you the same thing I said to her: I can’t agree or disagree with you about when to first have a boyfriend.  I think it’s up to the people involved.  My bigger concern (as I say in a lot of posts here) is what the boyfriend and girlfriend do, especially if one of them feels they’re not ready for it.  But if people want to hold hands and kiss for the first time at age 11 or age 21, that’s their business!  So in other words, I totally support your decision to hold off on that till you feel ready.


You’re right, Negar.7, if the society around you doesn’t support you having a boyfriend yet, then you’re probably better off not pursuing a guy this soon.  While people your age in other countries might already be dating, there’s no reason why you have to now.  And after all, once you start, you’ll have the rest of your life ahead of you (After all, no one says “Hey you’re 65, you can’t go out with anyone anymore, even your husband or wife!”).


It sounds to me, though, like you might be a person who wants to start dating a bit before some others say you should.  Well, if so, then my main concern is that you know what you’re doing when you do.  If you have any questions – about dating, about sex, about what guys want and need, about whatever – please feel free to write me anytime.  I can’t pretend that I know everything, but I’ll tell you what I do know (and I can ask some smart people about things I don’t know enough about).  Also, I have a post I’m very proud of that you might want to read, on the AskShirelle website.  It’s titled How should I deal with it if my date wants to do more than I do?, and it’s an answer to a question from HarrietteS.  Check it out.  But again, if you have any other questions, I’m here for you!



About the Author

Leave a Reply 0 comments

Leave a Reply: