What does it mean when you start to split off from your friends?

laury98 asks: I hang out with guys now that the girls are being annoying and boring. But now the girls are calling me bad names. What should I do, because those aren’t my intentions; my intentions are to have a conversation with someone who won’t whine like a baby! What should I say to them?

Hi laury98 –

What’s great about where you are is that you’re starting to define the boundaries of your own environment.  I know that sounds awfully big and serious, but…  actually, it is!

You see, when we’re born, we begin to adjust to the world we find ourselves in.  We learn the language, we learn what the people around us like and how to please them, and we learn to get along with those like us.  Then later it’s absolutely essential that we start defining ourselves in ways separate from those others.   That can appear when teenagers start listening to music that their parents can’t stand, or when they start to think for themselves in politics… or, it can show up when we get annoyed with our group of friends and start hanging out with others.  I’m sure you’re feeling some pain about this, laury98, but I think what you’re doing is terrific!

Now please understand, I’m not knocking girls (I am one, after all!).  I’d be just as pleased to get a letter from a boy saying “I’m sick of all the guys just talking about sports and using girls for competition all the time; I like hanging out with girls more, because they talk about more mature, interesting things.” He’d be just as right as you.  (In fact, I’d probably try to fix you and him up!)

Now today, though, you’re bothered because some of these girls are calling you bad names.  Funny, isn’t it?  They’re proving you right!  They’re being annoying and boring, because you admitted to yourself that they were annoying and boring!

So what should you do?  My honest answer is… not much.

Most likely, the girls you’re bored with are still at a stage of their maturing that you’ve passed by.  And more of them will split away from that “annoying and boring” group over time, and follow you into a more adult mentality.  So it would be a shame if you reverted, and started pretending to be one of them again.  Instead, the best thing is for you to keep doing just what you’re doing, and enjoy the company you’re enjoying now.  And when some mean girls call you bad names, just realize how pathetic they are for saying it (and probably jealous).

BUT!  Yes, there is a But!  But, you should also keep your eyes open!  Watch those girls, and see who is starting to pull away from the group.  Who’s asking you about your life, who’s starting to do “uncool” things at school, like joining a sports team or a writing or drama group that the other girls look down on?  That girl is absolutely set to become your new best friend!

And when you and she start hanging out, it won’t be that you have to be “one of the boys,” any more than you have to be one of the girls.  You and she, and some other boys and girls, will start making a group of your own, of mature, interesting, fun teens who aren’t exactly like any of the conformist groups out there.

And that, laury98, is when your life is going to get absolutely great!


Good Luck!



About the Author

Leave a Reply 0 comments

Leave a Reply: