How to deal with loneliness

megane2 asks: What do you do when you have no one to talk to? When the only person who understands you is not with you and you’re not able to reach that person… When you have so much to say and to talk about but you feel totally alone? What should I do?

Hi Megane2 –


This is such a sad question.  Of course, I relate so well to it too.  Handsome leaves me at home alone nearly every day, and my heart just cries.  I like to spend time by myself, but that’s very different from being left alone.  Having no one to talk to, or play with, or just to pat my head, when I need it – that’s so lonely and painful.  I just hate it.  And I can tell you do too.


Here are ten ideas for things that you can do, though, when this happens.   Some of them are things I can’t do, so you’re luckier than me.  But all can be helpful, I promise.


1)    Write a journal.  One person you can always talk to is yourself!  Write out your feelings in a journal or diary.  And lots of times, you’ll find that the actual act of writing can help you work out some problems, just like telling a friend.

2)    Exercise.  It’s always good to get lots of exercise, and doing some strenuous activity can help your mind work things out too.  Plus, when you do end up being with other people, you’ll look better and feel healthier.

3)    Create.  If you put your feelings and concerns into a painting, a poem, or a song, you will not only feel better about what’s bothering you, but you possibly will end up with a product that others will like and value.

4)    Write a letter.  You could write an email or a snail-mail letter to that friend you’re missing, or to someone else who might understand.  But of course you already knew this – you wrote me!  (and you know, you always can do that!)

5)    Find works by others who relate to what you’re going through.  Whether it’s novels or movies or music, whatever you’re experiencing and worrying about has been dealt with by millions of people before, and there’s lots of wonderful art that you can relate to.  Find the authors or musicians who deal most with the issues that concern you, and it’ll be like they’re your friends.

6)    Find new friends.  It’s tough, I know, when there’s a particular someone you want to talk to, but if you can make some new friends, you might well find that one or more of them will also be able to connect with you when you need someone in the future.

7)    Do something good for someone.  Whatever is bothering you, you’ll feel better about yourself if you’ve done something good for someone else.  Go help feed some poor people, or do some good for animals or the environment or a church, and your soul will feel better, even if you’re still kind of lonely.

8)    Go into nature.  It’s hard to really feel horribly lonesome when you’re on a beach walk, or hiking in mountains, or tramping through a forest.  You’re so surrounded by the magic of the world, it’s almost impossible to feel alone!

9)    Learn a musical instrument.  The more you practice, the more you’ll enjoy time alone, and you’ll develop a skill and talent that will draw others to you for the rest of your life.

10)Okay, you KNEW I was going to say this…  Get A Dog!  If you have a dog, you’ll NEVER be alone, you’ll always have a great special friend at your home, who cares enormously about you, will always listen, and will always have the best answer to your questions (like, say, a big lick across your face).  I know that not everyone can have a dog, but if you can, it’s a wonderful solution to this vexing problem!


All of these ideas can help you, megane2, but nothing will ever make it be that you’re never lonely again.  So the more of them you can do, the better.  Especially if they help you fill your alone time in enough ways for you to not have to feel that way so much.


But in the meantime, remember, just as Handsome always comes home to me when I’m alone, your loneliness will always end too.  And when it does, you can just enjoy the company of those you love even more.



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Lady Ritzy - October 28, 2011 Reply

Oh my dear, that’s my dilemma too, but I lost a guy whom was sort of understanding, and now I don’t know how to talk to him. I don’t know what was the wrong thing that I had done. Now I’m so depressed about it. I miss him. That’s why I understand your pain.

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