Monthly Archives: July 2011

1 How to keep children focused in Sunday School

Jena asks: I am a Sunday school teacher and handle younger age ranges 7 to 8 yrs. I am just so curious what can I do to calm their very active moods during discussion! Hope you can help me.

Hi Jena –

There are a lot of books and videos for schoolteachers about how to keep kids focused, and if you look at my recent answer to ethan23’s question about concentration, I explain a lot about that.

But you’re facing yet a different issue.  You are a Sunday school teacher!  And when most kids think of weekends, they think of running around and having fun and not having to Continue reading

5 Why is a baby’s birth considered a miracle?

Angelbrat asks: Why is the birth of a baby considered as a miracle?

Hi Angelbrat –

That’s a lovely question.  What I especially like about it is that it gets me a chance to expound on something I think is really important.  Which is Miracles.

You see, when you really think about it, all a Miracle is just something that you didn’t really think was possible before.  Miracles happen every day – but once they happen, they’re not seen as Continue reading

1 How to live knowing you’re attracted to the same sex.

uf18 asks: It’s an honor to write to you. I am a 14-year-old boy. Since childhood I always had sexual attraction toward males. I can’t decide what to do? Be straight or gay? Please help me. I am begging you. I wrote to a lot of advice columnists, but no one answered. So I hope you will be kind enough to answer my question. Thank you.

Hi uf18 –

Thank you for writing this extremely important question.  I’m sorry for the tough time you’re going through, and really respect you for reaching out to ask this.

Until pretty recently, no one really knew what determined anyone’s sexual orientation (a big word for what sort of people you’re attracted to).  But in the last decade or so, scientists have found that there’s a part of the brain that is different in size for people who are attracted to their own or the opposite sex.  It’s called the hypothalamus.  What’s so important about this discovery is that it makes it clear that attraction is not a Continue reading

0 Why would my best friend leave me?

Shefar asks: Hey Shirelle! I’m 12 and go to a private school. I’ve had a best friend before, but we broke up. I think that’s because of a new girl who she hangs out with a lot these days. She’s a lot better than I am. But I don’t think it’s appropriate for her to forget someone who’s close with her. I mean we can hang out together. Do you know why she left me?

Well, Shefar, of course I first have to answer your question by saying that I have no idea why she left you.  I’m a pretty insightful puppy, but I’m not a psychic, and so have no way of knowing what she was thinking.

It’s always very tough when friends want to stop hanging around us, and prefer the company of others.  It could be for a lot of reasons that are perfectly innocent.  One of the most common, especially around your age, is that kids grow at different Continue reading

0 How to help a child or teen with trouble concentrating

ethan 23 asks: Our son is ambidextrous, with possible dyslexia, and has real trouble concentrating, I am looking for methods to help him build up his concentration levels at school and in sports.

Hi ethan 23 –

I’m not sure what you’re saying about your son being ambidextrous – that just means he can use both hands equally well, and that’s a great thing (especially to someone like me, who doesn’t have any hands at all!).

But the trouble concentrating is, of course, a real problem.  Now I also have lots of trouble concentrating.  But that’s kind of normal for a dog (Have you seen the movie “Up”?  That dog in that movie is a great depiction of the unfocusedness that all dogs have, at least while they’re still young.).  And so, when I went to Training Class, the teacher did a great job of working with the lack of concentration in all of us.  He had our humans do two things.  Firstly, to carry a can with some rocks or coins in it, so when the dog isn’t focused on you, you can shake it.  It’s far kinder than hitting or scolding the dog, and focuses us just great.  Then secondly, they’d carry a bag of meaty treats in their pockets.  You wouldn’t believe what that does for a puppy’s focus!

And with your son, I’d really suggest trying to do the Continue reading

0 How to get a teenager to open up and be a parent’s best friend

Erika asks: How do I encourage my 13-year-old son to open up to me and consider me as his best friend?

Hi Erika –

What a great question this is!  I assumed I’d already answered it on this website, and I haven’t!  So thanks!

Okay, your question has two parts, and I need to deal with them separately.  First, how can you get your son to open up to you.

What I don’t know is whether he used to open up to you or not.  It’s very normal for kids around 13 years of age to stop being as open with their parents as they used to be.  There’s nothing wrong with this, it’s just the normal development of teenagers as they start pulling away from their parental ties, building stronger ties with peers, and putting more effort into self-definition.  In fact, it’s overall a good thing that a kid of that age isn’t too open with his parents.  But of course, you do want him to feel able to talk about anything he wants to discuss with you.

The best way to achieve that is to change the way you Continue reading

0 How can children increase family ties

Emy asks: How can children help keep family ties closer?

Hi Emy –

You ask a very interesting question.  I’m not sure if you are asking how children can keep their families more connected, or how they can stay more connected to their own families.

If it’s the first, it’s certainly something kids dream of doing a lot.  The popular movie “The Parent Trap” (either version of it) is a very fun version of this fantasy, where two twin girls conspire to get their divorced parents to remarry.  Of course the truth is that just by Continue reading

0 How to get parents to fight less

nikolas asks: I am 14, and I have a perfect life. I am an excellent student and so on. But this is regarding my parents. Sometimes they start fighting, yelling at each other about our current financial problems. I love my mum and dad more than anything in the whole world!! It’s just that I hate it when they’re fighting. Then after an hour or so of that fighting, I become frightened that this either won’t stop, or it will get worse, or that it will go so far that they will divorce. I talked to my parents about the divorce thing and they said, “Don’t be silly, that will never happen, we love each other.” From time to time I can be a little pessimistic about those kinds of things. This sounds a little stupid, but from time to time, after the fights, I ask one parent, “We love (the other parent), don’t we?” And they say, “Yes, why shouldn’t we?” I know that these fights end in due time but it’s just that (ahhhhh here I go all pessimistic again) my mum is mostly frustrated because my dad spends a lot. Recently he spent 30.000 dinars on the maintenance of our car (that’s about 300 euros or 270 GBP). Since we got that car we are in huge debt. I just don’t want these fights to haunt me. Please give me some advice. Thank You

Hi Nikolas –

Okay, first thing – nothing you’re saying sounds stupid, or even pessimistic.  You’re living in a difficult situation that’s affecting you a lot, and that’s simply real.  It sounds pretty clear that neither of your parents is nearly as bothered by the intensity of their arguing as you are.  That may be just because they’re used to it – some couples even like arguing a lot, they feel it keeps their relationship fresh!  But I can tell you that I’m like you: I hate it when Handsome gets upset about anything.  It makes me feel insecure about our home, and very worried that he might get equally mad at me!

I’ve already written on here about how to deal with parents who fight (see Gingko’s question about it), but it certainly sounds like you’re in no physical danger.  You’re really dealing with two big issues, and I have thoughts on both of them.

First, yes, they’re fighting, and they don’t see anything wrong with it.  That’s actually a little unfair to you.  If I bark at the neighbor’s dog all day, and the other neighbors get bothered, they call Continue reading

2 How to break up as well as possible.

lexie jayne asks: I have a boyfriend who really cares for me, but recently I discovered that I don’t have any feelings for him anymore! I really want to break up with him, but I don’t want to break his heart because he’s such a good guy. But again, I really don’t have feelings for him now. Please help me out.

Hi Lexie Jayne –

I hate breakups.  I’ve never really had one, but I’ve suffered from them, whenever Handsome’s had any.  And he hates them – whether they’re his idea or hers.  Both feel really bad.  But that’s just one of those things almost all humans go through, and so the best thing to do is to get it over with as kindly and as easily as possible.  Here are some suggestions:

1)    Although you might want to be extra-nice to him before it, that can backfire.  Handsome once did that, so as to make a woman feel how much he truly cared about her, and instead she felt that he’d set her up and Continue reading

1 Why don’t we feel the earth’s motion?

Danish asks: Why don’t we feel the earth’s motion directly?

What a great question, Danish!  I’ve never thought about this, so I had to look it up.  And the answer is fascinating!

The easy way to answer you is to ask what you feel when you’re in a car or an airplane.  Have you ever noticed that you feel it when it accelerates or turns, but never at all while it’s Continue reading