HarrietteS asks: How should I deal with it if my date wants to do more than I do?
Oh this is a really good question. And I really relate to both sides. You see, I’m a big lover, and usually that’s something people like (The singing group I was named after even had a hit song called “Everybody Loves a Lover!”). But sometimes I meet people – or even dogs – who don’t want me to jump up and give them a big kiss. So I’ve had to learn to pay attention to that, because I want them to like me, not to be scared of me. So my rule for people who want more than the other person wants to give is simple: Try first, and then be okay with it if they say no. If you don’t try, then you’re no fun and you’ll never get anywhere. But if you don’t listen when they say no… well, read on.
Here is a story. About me. Absolutely true. I was with Handsome at a dog park, and having a fine time. I love being there, especially when the boy dogs want to chase me. It’s fun and makes me feel great.
This one day, however, I guess love was in the air. And a bulldog mix set his eye on my fine figure and decided “That is the girl for me.” And while I was drinking some water, he approached behind me and grabbed onto my haunches.
I pulled away, and his feet cheerfully fell to the ground. I went back to some other dogs, and he made another lunge. I pulled away again, turning and giving him a look – did he want to chase me? I ran in a small circle, and he followed – Great! – but then when I stopped, he climbed onto my backside again. I jerked away, with a bark of annoyance, and walked off toward other dogs.
With “I’m Gonna Make You Love Me” singing in his heart, he ran up and gave another try. This time I turned and nipped him: “I said, Stop It!” I barked at him. He backed off, surprised. I walked away.
Sure that I must just be playing hard to get, he ran up and pulled himself onto my pelvis, with a giant smile on his face.
That was it. My hair shot up along my spine, my ears flew back, and I spun around, teeth bared. I started barking viciously, and chased that terrified mongrel all the way across the park. When he’d fled far enough away, I relaxed, turned to find Handsome, and cheerfully trotted back to him, ears up and flopping, tail in the air, looking for what might be fun to do next.
That’s the lesson I want to teach all young people: What Every Youngster Needs to Know About Sex and Dating. (I’ll state this in the usual boy-girl dynamic, but any apply.) If the boy wants to play on your terms, great. If he wants more, be friendly but pull away. If he keeps trying, he doesn’t mean any disrespect; he’s doing exactly what he should, so say no kindly. If it happens again, say it firmly – make sure he gets the point, no matter how desirous or dumb he is. Then, if it happens yet again, lash out and scare him into submission. He deserves it, and you’ll make life better for another girl somewhere down the line!
On the other hand, if your date wants to kiss, and you think that’s a good idea… Hey, everybody loves a lover!