Bizarre Mind asks: Recently a German delegation from Bavaria visited our school, and they came to attend some classes, so they also came to my class. We were then told to interact with them in groups. So, I was sorted with a girl. I do not look good, so I am very self-conscious. However, I talked to the Germans in my group very easily, since I happen to support a Bavarian football team. Many of them supported the same team. So I started the conversation with talking to the girl about that team. She knew about it since in Bavaria, there is a large football following. But she just knew basic information and wasn’t a very big fan. So I then talked to her about other things. It turned out that she also liked to watch films on Netflix, like I did. So we talked. And the next day, they came again to attend a period and again we were told to interact. But that day I didn’t talk too much, though still I took her Instagram account info. Then after some days, they left. Now the school got off for Diwali breaks, and I had thoughts about her. So I finally decided to text her. I told her that I missed the Germans, and she said she missed the Indians. Then she asked me if we knew each other, and I reminded her. Then she remembered and we texted. I told her that I might come to Munich next year after my finals, since I am in 10th grade right now. She is also in 10th grade. We both are 15. After I told her about my plan, she asked me to visit their school. I said sure! Shirelle, I really, really like her and I want to be closer to this girl. But, I am not confident because I am not good looking. I really need your help in approaching her. I will really appreciate it and would thank you for the rest of my life. Please help me.
Hi Bizarre Mind –
How exciting is this! I love the idea of a romance between two completely different cultures – though I’m told both of your countries do make excellent beers!
I see two issues here. First, it’s clear that you are more “into” her than she is about you, as you’ve been thinking about her all the time, and she didn’t remember you right away. That’s not a terrible thing, but it is something to focus on. And second, that you are worried you’re not good looking enough for her.
Well, my first suggestion is that you need to do something extremely difficult and careful – you need to stay in touch with her just enough for her to develop feelings for you (even just friendly feelings), but not so much that she pulls away. I wish I could tell you just how to do this, but we dogs are really bad at such things, and often scare people we like away by running up and jumping on them.
But you do have a wonderful advantage: she’s interested in your culture. So write her about your life, and ask her about hers. What are the differences, what’s alike? Can you listen to each other’s favorite music? Can you talk about new movies? I don’t even know – does Netflix show the same things in different countries? All this is great.
But at the same time, I have a HUGE warning for you – keep yourself on a leash! You want her to get interested in you, but she might well get a boyfriend over the next year, and I don’t want you devastated over something like this you could never control. So, for now, go for friendship, and try to do other things for your social fun back in your home town for now.
Which leads to your second issue. Now I don’t know what you look like, and we dogs don’t care about looks the way you humans do. But there are certainly things you could do to look better over the next year.
Do you eat healthily? Do you exercise? Do you take care of your skin? If you lost or gained weight, do you think you’d look better? Do you dress attractively? Could you practice singing to make your voice more appealing?
Because here’s what I do know for sure. People who think they’re better-looking, and feel good about their appearance, become better-looking, just by having confidence. So if you do a few things to make yourself more attractive in your own eyes, you will look better in hers, even if none of those things matter to her at all!
The hard part, again, is going to be your own self-control. If you can do these things without obsessing about her too much, and without caring too strongly about whether she becomes your girlfriend, you’ll do great.
And if you do them, and she does get involved with a different guy before you get there, then you’ll just be a better-looking you, in a land of women you find attractive! And that doesn’t sound so bad to me!
Best of Luck with this!!
Shirelle