0 Happy Valentine’s Day? …is such a thing possible?!

Happy Valentine’s Day? …is such a thing possible?!

(originally posted as Pawprint, February 2011)

February 14 is, to my mind, the strangest holiday humans have ever come up with! It’s been around for something over 600 years (the English poet Geoffrey Chaucer wrote about it in the 14th Century!), and is named for two saints who were killed for their Catholic beliefs – certainly not anything mushy-kissykissy-romantic! But today, their names define a celebration of romance that is celebrated just about everywhere in the world!

But that’s not what’s strangest about it. What’s really odd is that there is so much pressure on everyone on Valentine’s Day!

I’ll bet most of you kids have parties at school where you’re expected to give Valentine cards saying “I Love You” or “Be Mine” to every other kid in your class (whether or not you actually like them!). You teenagers have the huge question of whether or not to give a card (or a flower, or chocolate, etc.) to anyone who you kind of like, or who kind of likes you. And for you adults who are still single, it’s worst of all! Do you send a Valentine to the person you had a really awesome dinner with last week, or is that uncool? And if you are in a serious relationship, or even married, just how much do you have to do that day? Have a romantic dinner? Buy flowers?  Give presents that cost a months’ salary?!

Now I’m a dog, and don’t understand a lot about how you humans do this romantic love thing. But one thing I do know is that pressure is the most UN-romantic thing there is! If a kid has to give a Valentine to all the other kids, how does she show how much she likes her best friend? If a teenager has to worry about who to please and who not, how can he express, or even feel, romance?!  And for adults, if it’s all about having to honor a day on the calendar, it’s not really about that person you love!  After all, you could give him flowers any other day of the year – and it would come off as more special, right?!

But worse, this pressure can make Valentine’s a very painful day. I have a friend who was the “new kid in school” when she was in 3rd grade, and when the students exchanged Valentines, she didn’t get a single one! Have you ever known someone who’s been “dumped” on Valentine’s Day, because of all the pressure? It happens a lot! Oodles of heartbreak. It’s just too much!

So what can you do?! Stay in bed all day?!

Okay, I’ll admit: that sounds GREAT to me! But in the meantime, I have three suggestions.

First, in Mexico they call February 14 “Dia del Amor y la Amistad,” or “Day of Love and Friendship.” I like that! What if you decided that Valentine’s Day is a great day to work extra hard to treat everybody with love?  Maybe tell everyone something you like about them, “I love your voice,” “That shirt looks great on you,” or “You’re funny!” (Or, as I usually say, “Wow you smell really interesting!”) Not only will it get you through this crazy day, but you’ll be so well-liked tomorrow!

Second, if there’s someone you’re really interested in, and you weren’t able to tell them about it before, maybe you can use this day to send them an anonymous Valentine! That’s where you sign it “A Secret Admirer” or something like that! That can be really exciting and romantic, even if you never tell them you sent it! (Though it can also be a disaster – what if you send it to her and she thinks another guy sent it… and that guy lies and says “Yes I did…?!” Oh No!!!)

And third, if you have a relationship with someone really special in your life, it’s great to make them feel loved by doing something for them on this day. But plan something else too. And tell them, “I don’t want this to just be about a holiday. I want us to do something special because we are a very special thing!”

Wow, my brain’s hurting! That’s a lot of thinking about human love!

So let me tell you what WE DOGS think about Valentine’s Day. First, EVERY day is a day for us to jump on people and lick them and tell them “We’re CRAZY about you! We’re SO excited to see you! We love you more than ANYTHING!” So V-Day is just another day for that. But we’d love it if maybe, because it’s a special day, you could tell us the same thing… extra! With extra hugs, with extra belly rubs, with extra kisses on the nose, and with extra TREATS!

(But remember, no chocolate! It’s bad for us.

Along with all the pressure and rules and expenses, yummy chocolate is one other thing that you people get to keep among yourselves on this crazy crazy day!)

Lots of Love!

Shirelle

0 How to tell a friend they’re dating a jerk

sazuna45 asks: I’m really confused. Two of my friends – close ones – are dating, but I know that the guy is hiding a lot from the girl. He told her he stopped drinking but in parties (when she’s not there) he gets drunk and flirts with other girls like a maniac. He even stole money from one of his friends and bought his girlfriend a bag. He’s on weed and he gets into fights against gangs and all. I know all this but I don’t know if I can tell, because she won’t believe me. What do I do?!

Hi sazuna45 –

Wow are you in a tough place with this question!  I have a few thoughts, but there’s no clear answer.

First – you say both of these are close friends of yours.  Are you sure you want to stay close friends with the boy?  He sounds like a lot of trouble to me.  When you mix drinking to excess, semi-cheating, stealing, drug use, and getting in fights…  Is this guy really one who can, to quote the old song “deserve you and be even worthy erv you”?!  Not to mention your girl friend, who he’s being way less than great to.

So one thing you can do is to Continue reading

2 For Goodness’ Sake …a few thoughts about what ‘good’ means

For Goodness’ Sake …a few thoughts about what ‘good’ means

The other day, I was sniffing some interesting bushes in a park, and a girl walked by without looking, and almost stepped on me.  I jumped, and she screamed, and froze, trembling, afraid to move.  Clearly, she was really scared, and thought I’d bite her.

Then, with all the voice she could muster – a whisper – she said, “Please be a good dog.  Good doggy.”  I sniffed her leg, and gave her a little kiss on the knee, but, seeing how frightened she was, thought it best to walk away and leave her to breathe.

This whole thing got me thinking, though.  About what humans mean when they say someone’s “Good.”  Now in her case, she meant that a good dog is one that doesn’t rip her legs off, expressing wishful thinking that I was at least that good!  But that’s not what Handsome means when he calls me good.  And when he angrily calls me “Bad Girl!” that’s not because I’ve ripped his body apart in fury!

So, just what does it mean when someone says that someone is a good dog, or a good person?

The more I thought about it, the more complex it got.  And for my doggy brain, that was really hard.  But here’s what I came up with:

“Good” can just mean the absence of “Bad.”  Like that girl in the park – she didn’t know my best qualities, or even care about them.  She didn’t know about how I protect our house, how I try to keep the yard squirrel-free, how I make sure Handsome feels loved every day by jumping on him and getting his nicest clothes all muddy and hairy… and I have no doubt she doesn’t know that I work hours daily to help out my pack member buddies with their troubles!  No, she just hoped I wouldn’t hurt her.

But “Good” can also mean other things.  For example, Handsome says it to me with a lot of meanings: When he trains me, “Good” means I did a trick right.  When I catch a really difficult ball in the air, “Good” means impressive, that I did something really cool.  And when he’s falling asleep and I curl up alongside him and he scratches my ears and says “such a good girl,” “Good” means that he loves my heart.

But when you hear that word used about humans, it very rarely means those same things.  In the “Lord of the Rings” stories, for example, when Frodo’s always talking about his friend “Good Sam,” he’s talking about the goodness of Sam’s loyalty.  And when you hear people refer to someone they’re introducing as “oh you’ll like her; she’s good,” they’re talking about how well she fits in with their group’s expected behaviors, such as having the right sense of humor or liking certain activities (In other words, “she’s good” could mean someone who likes to go hunting, or someone who’d never harm an animal, depending on who’s talking).

Then of course there’s the term “the good guys,” meaning the people we consider on the right side in a battle.  Batman’s a good guy; The Joker’s a bad guy.  Then people will half-jokingly take that attitude in sports.  “The good guys scored six points against the bad guys.”

And then, there’s “Good” meaning “good enough.”  Such as, “He’s a good singer,” or “She’s a good football player,” etc.   It’s not the same as saying that person’s truly great at that, but that they’re adequate.  “He’s no Daniel Day-Lewis of course, but he’s a good actor.”

Speaking of actors, there’s another meaning of “Good” that I’ve seen in some of the old movies Handsome likes to watch.  It’s a mixture of ability, coolness, intelligence… all those qualities we really want to think we have (yes, even us dogs).  “Is he any good?” a character will say.  “I just want to find out if I’m good enough.”  Etc.  It’s kind of hard to describe, but think of it this way:  James Bond is good, really good.

And then there’s another definition.  And this one is my favorite.   A friend of Handsome’s was arrested by a police officer, as it looked like he’d committed a crime.  And after he was released (they found out he hadn’t done it), he talked about what it was like being held by the cop.  “He was pretty tough.  Had me in handcuffs, was really intimidating.  But then while I sat in the car, he offered me some coffee.  Even held it so I could drink it.  I realized, he was actually a good guy.”

Now what did he mean by “Good?”  Of course the officer was on the side of the law; that wasn’t what this guy discovered about him.  And it wasn’t quite kindness; the officer was absolutely scaring him, and hurting him a little by chaining his hands up.

I think the quality that made that officer “Good” was something called Empathy.  Empathy is that quality where you actually feel something that someone else is going through.

It’s not the same as Pity (where you feel sorry for someone in a kind of distant way, like pitying the victims of the volcano at Pompeii), or Sympathy (where you feel bad that someone’s going through some pain, like when your friend loses a relative).

Empathy is more like when you watch someone suck on a lemon and it makes your mouth pucker.  It’s also when you watch a movie and cry because a character’s girlfriend just left him.  Or when you hear about a kid whose dog has gone missing, and your heart just drops as you struggle to imagine how that must feel.

Now I might be wrong, but I’m guessing that that police officer saw this scared guy in his car, shivering in the cold, and thought “Hey, even if this guy is a criminal, he’s clearly not dangerous, and I would feel better if I gave him some hot coffee.”  That’s Empathy.

We hear all the time about people who do good deeds just for show.  And when we learn the truth about how uncaring that person really is, we stop thinking that they’re really good people – even if they’ve done something really nice and useful.  No, it’s goodness in the heart that really matters to us.  How much someone feels for others.  And acts accordingly (If that officer had only felt for the guy, and not given him the coffee, no one would consider him especially good).

Which brings me back to that girl at the park.  You see, it wasn’t my not biting her that made me a good dog at that moment.  It was my sensing how scared she was and walking away to give her space.

If I’d stayed and sniffed her some more, that doesn’t mean I would have been a bad dog, but it wouldn’t have been as thoughtful, as considerate… as empathetic… as what I eventually did.

And as we go through life, I think that might be something to keep in mind.  It’s fine to put a lot of effort into being great, or being the best.  I’m all for it.  But at the same time, it’s important to remember that maybe the best things we ever do are just simply being Good.

Which was especially important to remember when we got home from the park, and I was all excited, and jumped up on Handsome’s white couch with my muddy feet and he started yelling and kicked me out of the house, calling me “Bad Dog” and worse!!

“Bad Dog?”  I guess I was.  But I also was able to know that, deep down, I was a Good dog too.

0 What do kids need to know about energy?

carina asks: What topics can I teach about energy?

Hi carina –

I’m not sure what age you’re teaching to, but I’m glad you are, because energy is such an important issue today, and we really do want all humans of any age to understand it.

One thing that the youngest really have trouble grasping is how much more the world depends on energy sources than ever before.  Can they even conceive of a world with no computers, no cell phones, and no big-screen TVs?  Or how about a world with no Continue reading

2 What to do when your best friend moves away

prettyndsweet12 asks: My best friend moved today and it made me sad and I’m crying. How can I learn to cope with her being gone? She was my best friend, and school just doesn’t seem right without her.

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

Losing a best friend is always awful.  Whether it’s from an argument, or them moving away, or them being badly hurt, it’s guaranteed to make you feel terrible.  After all, how many things do we value as much as a best friend?  I hate it when I get a piece of chicken and Handsome pulls it out of my mouth (in fear the bones will splinter in my throat), but I get over it.  But some things are irreplaceable.  And Family and Friends top the list.

I’m not going to even begin to try to Continue reading

0 What religion is Shirelle?

E asks: What is here about Islamic history?

Hi E –

I am a dog, and answer questions sent to me by my friends – mostly kids, teens, and parents.  I’m not an expert on any sort of history, though if someone asks me about something in Continue reading

0 How to fix a chipped tooth

yoko asks: My 22-month-old son fell and chipped his teeth. How can I fix it?

Hi yoko –

I’m a big believer in doing the jobs you can.  Every day, I’m the only one – yes the ONLY ONE – who takes on the important tasks of barking at passers-by, chasing the squirrels in our yard, and jumping all over Handsome when he comes home, particularly if he’s wearing nice black clothes that really need my hairs covering them for style.  I’m proud to do these jobs, and they make me feel very important.

However, there are other jobs that I’m really not equipped for.  Handsome makes the money to pay our rent, he brings food home for both of us, and he’s the only one of us who drives the Continue reading

0 How to make New Year’s Resolutions

kavin24 asks: How can I make my New Year’s Resolutions?

Hi kavin24 –

We dogs don’t think much about our future, so I don’t think any of us make reservations, beyond the “Wow did she get mad when I peed on the couch!  I sure won’t do that again!” variety.

But I think New Year’s Resolutions are a great idea.  You humans are very calendar-oriented, so I hardly ever see people reach the end of a year without thinking back on what they accomplished and didn’t, and what they’re hoping will be different next year.  So what a great time to decide on changes you wish to make to yourself.  Fantastic!  However… at the same time, I see lots of resolutions never Continue reading

0 But It’s Not My Fault! …how to handle disasters

But It’s Not My Fault! …how to handle disasters

(Originally Posted in The Pawprint, in January, 2011)

Sometimes terrible things happen.  A couple of weeks ago, the city of Brisbane, Australia, where some of my favorite friends live, was flooded, destroying homes and businesses and memories and lives.  And at the same time, a man shot a lot of people, including a Judge and a Congresswoman, in Arizona.  When things like this happen, it’s just human nature to ask why.  With the flooding, scientists will find out things to help them predict weather patterns better, and engineers will see what they can learn to build better cities.  But with that shooting it’s tougher.  Why would anyone, even a crazy man, want to shoot these people?

A lot of people thought that perhaps some of the mean things that people on TV and radio had said about the Congresswoman might have inspired the man to want to hurt her.  And some of her political opponents had even used words and pictures about guns when they were saying they wanted  someone else to have her job.  So the question came up: Could this sort of talk and advertising have affected his mind?

Well, really we still don’t know.  And we probably never will.   But the question is still important – is it okay to say bad, hurtful things about people, or things that sound like threats to them?  Especially when you don’t know how your words might affect a person who hears them?

So, I thought a lot about it, and I know I’m only a dog, but I think it’s all about the word Responsibility.  Imagine you’re at lunch, and you see someone cleaning up after herself.  That shows responsibility, right?  She’s doing what she should.  Then you see someone else leaving a mess; he’s showing that he’s really irresponsible.  But what if you then see someone else, who doesn’t have to, step in to help clean up that mess?  Doesn’t he seem really responsible to you?  Isn’t he someone you want to trust?

You see, that last person is taking responsibility for things that aren’t even his fault.  He isn’t complaining about whether or not the mess is unfair.  Instead he’s choosing to do whatever he can to make his world a better place.

So in that same way, I’d love it if the people on TV and radio who say or send such terrible things about others would stop.  Whether or not that shooting was their fault.  Just because it might have been, or could be next time!  In other words, I’d like them to be more responsible.

Now, I believe in doing as I ask others to do.   And so I’ve looked over what I’ve written on my website, and…  wow, do you know what?  I’ve done the same thing!  I have written over and over again about how useless, stinky, and awful a certain group of beings are!  Not Congresspeople or Judges or Republicans or Democrats, but…  CATS!!!

       And it’s true!  I don’t like cats at all!  They do smell terrible and they walk through my yard in that slow smug way that just drives me up the wall, and they have that yowling sound that hurts my ears, and…

…And yet, I don’t wish for anything bad to happen to any cat, ever!

Sure I want to chase them out of my yard, but that’s just because I’m a dog.  But do I want someone who reads my writing to go off and hurt a cat?  Absolutely Not!

I love this world.  I love sniffing around it, making friends in it, playing, finding good things to eat – and I don’t want bad things to happen to anyone in it.  And of course, I have lots of friends who really love cats.  And I sure don’t want them to be sad because something happened to their kitty.

So I’ll say it simply:  Don’t Hurt Cats!  Ever!  Pet them, feed them, take them to the vet, let them sleep curled up in your neck if you like!  (But don’t bring them near me, or they’ll be chased up a tree in two seconds!)

And if anyone who reads anything I’ve written has ever been inspired to treat a cat badly, I am sorry.  Deeply, truly sorry.  And I’ll be happy to apologize to that cat, or that cat’s friends.

So kids, that’s me taking responsibility.  It’s a great thing to try to do.  And if you can live your life with joy and all sorts of bratty fun, but also be able to take responsibility when it’s necessary, you’ll be on the road to becoming great adults.  And you’ll make me proud, and help make this world the sort of place we all can enjoy.

Well, at least as long as the weather is kind!

2 What to do if you see an animal being abused

Hachiko asks: There’s this dog (a small one) I really want to keep, but my mom won’t let me (In our religion keeping dogs is okay, but they say they’re unpure and better not to keep) and this dog gets beaten by men who work down-stairs. What can I do? I’m just a girl who can’t disobey her parent’s 🙁

Hi Hachiko –

Of course, being a dog, it’s tough for me to talk from the point of view of those who don’t think we’re just the best things around.  But I have to acknowledge that they’re out there, and that they have the right to their opinions.

Someday, you’ll be an adult, and you’ll have the right to make decisions for yourself, like whether or not to have a dog as a pet.  But for now, you’re right, you can’t have it in your parents’ home.  It’s sad, but true.

But there’s another issue here.  Which is that you’re witnessing an Continue reading