Category Archives for "Teens"

0 How to deal with not getting enough money from your caregivers

tinno 06 asks: My uncle and aunt pay for my school fees but they do not pay enough. I suffer at school, but I can’t tell them. This has made me less social – I can’t associate with my friends because in the middle of the term I run out of money, and I don’t eat on Saturday. What should I do? At school I have attitude because am not happy at home. I feel like am not loved. All the time I cry, and I live a fake sad life at school. I do not have clothes, so I have this bad habit of getting people’s things. I really need help please help me.

Hi tinno 06 –

tinno 06, this letter might be even sadder than the one about your father!  I am so sorry you’re going through this!

Money is one of the parts about humanity that I have lots of trouble understanding.  I mean, I like the idea of a token economy (no dog could have ever come up with that!), but the way that people have so many feelings about it, that just mystifies me.  Rich people are ashamed to admit how much money they have, poor people are ashamed to admit that they don’t have much, and someone like you who’s getting money from someone doesn’t feel they have the right to tell them that the amount isn’t Continue reading

0 Should a teen get the hairstyle her mother wants?

Marceline asks: I’m 11 years old. My mom wants me to cut my hair. To align with my chin… I really wanted my hair to be long, but my mom doesn’t want that. What should I do? Do you think hair to the chin is good?

Hi Marceline –

Well, first off, I have to say, I am not a beautician, or a fashion expert.  My hair has been the same length all my life.  It doesn’t grow; I just shed a lot.  I do take a lot of care in grooming, by licking myself all over and biting any rotten little fleas that have jumped onto me.  And I like it when I have a new collar that looks pretty on my orange hair.  But when it comes to things like hair length, or clothes, or jewelry, I’m just not the one to ask!

What I can maybe help a bit with, though, is what to do if you and your mom disagree about your Continue reading

0 What to do with a teenager who wants to move away

buffy1 asks: I have a 16-year-old son who seems to have lost his mind with his first girlfriend. He is terribly aggressive, he has failed 2 schools in one year after being a 70% average student, he won’t listen to reason, he ran away from home a few weeks ago, and now he wants to move 750 km away just to be with his new girlfriend. How do I deal with this?

Hi buffy1 –

I don’t know where you live, but the first question I have is about laws.  (For example, if I run away from home, I’m just going to get picked up by dog-catchers, regardless of my reasons!)

Does your son have the right to move away without your permission?  Was he legally allowed to run away from home?  I don’t know those things, and of course those are huge elements of any good answer for you.

But not knowing those, I have one really strong reaction to your question:  Is That Continue reading

0 Should a teenager try to get to know the father who abandoned them?

tinno 06 asks: I am hurting. I really want to know my dad, and I have tried, but I have failed. It hurts me so much that am expected to be like everyone else and forget about him because he walked out on my mum when she was pregnant. Am I wrong to do this?

Hi tinno 06 –

One of the saddest things a human can go through is being abandoned by a parent.  For lots of people, it means they spend their life angry at, or even hating, that parent.  But as you point out, for some others, it’s a different pain – that they want to find that parent and get to know them, maybe even get close to them, while those around them tell them not to.

Deep down, the basic fact is that it’s all unfair, tinno 06.  It just stinks that anyone ever goes through this.  And, given that fact, your job is just to figure out how you Continue reading

0 How should people in conflict speak with each other?

shahzaibj1 asks: What should be the etiquette of speaking, especially in conflict?

Hi shahzibj1 –

What a great question!  Parents spend so much time teaching kids to say “please” and “thank you,” to wait turns, to not interrupt, all that sort of etiquette.  But what about when one’s in a conflict?  What is the best way to communicate then?  Are there rules?

Well, I guess the truest answer is No, that there are no real rules.  People can insult each other, bring up past events, exaggerate, lie…  And those are just in formal political debates!  In regular arguments, people can walk away, slam doors, throw plates, or punch each other in the Continue reading

0 Why are kids at school easier to understand than those in your family?

smart panther asks: As a teacher, why it is easy for me to understand my students, but hard to understand my own kids? Or is it that our own kids just don’t understand our instructions?

Hi smart panther –

I think the answer is pretty simple.  Think about dogs.  I’ll bet you think dogs are pretty easy to understand.  They have a few drives, some friendly, some aggressive.  They want food and play and love, and do what they can to get them.  Right?

But that’s because you don’t know them well.  Handsome has spent years studying me, because he finds me fascinating.  He is absolutely amazed and perplexed by the ways my mind works.  Now I’m not that different from other dogs; it’s just that he’s looking at me so closely.

When you go to your school to teach, every child there has a bunch of Continue reading

0 Is it uncool to hang out with younger kids?

lolly asks: I’ve just moved to a new house and made some new friends. Two of them are seven years old, and one of them is ten. Do you think I’m a bit too old to play with them? All the other teens are laughing at me, but I just don’t want to break their little hearts!

Hi lolly –

This is a great question.  Particularly because it says so much about you and the place you’re at in your life.  There are four important facts here:

1)    You have new friends and like them

2)    Some would say you’re too old to play with them

3)    Other teenagers laugh at you for your friendship with them

4)    These kids really care about you and you don’t want to hurt them.

Cool.  You are in a fantastic place to make a determination about the person you want to be.  And there are a few perfectly good choices you could make (and I guess one bad Continue reading

0 What to do with a child who has rejected the family, and wants to come back

husky asks: My son is 18 years old, and first left home at 17 for 3 months. He returned and stayed for about two weeks, then left again when he was 18. He said he’s old enough and wants his freedom, but at the time he was still in high school. I’m very hurt by this. When he left the first time, I could not sleep and could hardly eat anything. Why was this child doing this? My family brought him home: and I was so happy he was back. When he left again I was heart broken, this is my first born, and I’ve done everything I could possibly do for this child. This has really hurt me and I’m awake at night sometimes crying to myself. Everybody in my family has had their say, but not one of them knows how I feel. I have not spoken to him in 6 months, but now he wants to come back home. He is my son, but he has stolen from me and he disgraced our family name when he left. He said he did not need me and that he had another mother to take care of him. It looks like the world was not the place he thought it would be so he wants to come back home. What should I do?

Hi husky –

What a sad tale this is!  It reminds me of some very old stories, from ancient legends, from myths, and even the famous tale of the Prodigal Son from The Bible.  There’s a lot I don’t know about the situation, but I think I have a suggestion.

First of all, I don’t know why your son left.  I don’t know what he was angry or dissatisfied with.  I do know, though, that at 17, many teens are so Continue reading

0 How to get into the top university or movie studio

Cremy B asks: I’m 15, and about to enter high school in Ghana. My dream is to go to Harvard, but I don’t know how to go about it since I’m still here. My dad, however, is adamant on deciding on my career because he says I’m too ‘defensive.’ He is therefore having second thoughts on it. I really need help if I want to make it there. I don’t even have a passport or a visa and over here it’s quite hectic getting them too. What should I do please? Are there any financial services available for me if he approves? And I also want to go to Disneyland one day, and possibly become a Disney star (I can sing very well and can dance too).

Hi Cremy B –

I love your dream!  In fact, I love both of your dreams, and I don’t want to do anything to get in the way of your dreaming!  But I want to change them in one tiny way: I want you to become a bit less focused on Continue reading

0 What are some acts of compassion from history

MASHOOD asks: Can you name a few major accounts of compassion from history?

Hi MASHOOD –

You bring up an interesting point: Most of the history that gets taught to children doesn’t include much about compassion.  It’s full of battles and wars and vengeance… mostly just the stuff we’re hoping to reduce in the world!

So I’ll throw in a few that I know of.  But it’d be awesome if you could collect a better list than I can!

1)    Saving the European Jews in World War II.  This story does get told, thank goodness.  When the Nazi government tried to kill off the Continue reading