Category Archives for "Parenting"

2 What does it mean when a teenager feels alienated?

teejay96 asks: Hi, Shirelle. I feel like my life is taking a spiral turn towards its end. I feel so bitter inside, like I am angry inside. I don’t act as cheerful as I used to. I am more concerned about my looks and what people think of me than what I think of me. Despite my admitting this to my self, it still does not seem to go away. I used to have this self-destructive habit that no one knows about (I’d rather not share, and no it is not smoking – I am only 14). The point is that I know I am in my teenage years but I just want to feel as happy as I was in my childhood years – even if it is not constant, as long as it is there. My parents are not the understanding type, so you are the only one that can help me.

Hi teejay96 –

Wow, what a compliment!  I have no doubt that there are many others who could help you through this very tough time, but I am so honored that you think I’m the best one!  Thanks!

So, at risk of you losing all respect for me, I’m going to say what’s probably the last thing you expect to hear:  Congratulations.

You are in a situation that is officially called Existential Despair, and it usually shows up in people a couple of years older than you.  You are doing great, ahead of schedule, and this probably means you’ll be out of this difficult period sooner than some of your friends.  So, again, congratulations.

What’s going on is that your brain is developing, and you’re beginning to see the world very differently from the way you did as an innocent Continue reading

0 What do teenagers want?

Too asks: I want to know about teenagers’ great expectations, e.g. in their future careers, their future lives, and their families.

Hi Too –

There are some groups in the world that have very specific hopes, and you can find them easily and clearly.  If you look up, for example, the Jewish people, to find what they hope for, you’ll get clear answers:  a safe world for them to live and prosper and raise their children, freedom to practice their religion, and to be around when their Messiah comes.  Straightforward, simple, easy.

What do dogs hope for?  Love, security, fun, food, freedom… that’s really about it.

But what do teenagers hope for?  Oh baby!  The teenage years are a time when humans feel ten thousand things at Continue reading

0 Why a young child won’t eat

Shahriar asks: My child is not taking food, even when I insist. She is now three years old. I’m very hopeless. What can I do?

Hi Shahriar –

There are lots of possible reasons for a three-year-old not wanting to eat.  Some of them are emotional (she’s feeling sad, or excited), some are just defiant (she doesn’t want to do anything you want her to, including eating), and some are physiological (she may have stomach pain, or really bad allergies to some foods).

Of course, the first thing you need to do is to rule out the physiological ones.  And there’s no good way to do this except to take her to a doctor who can check her out.  Any qualified pediatrician will know exactly what to test to find out if there’s anything wrong with her.  And of course they would be the best people to suggest what to do if they do find something wrong.

If they determine that she’s not suffering from a physical problem, then your job is to find out why she’s refusing the food.  Again, it could well be that she’s just being defiant (what we normally hear called “the terrible Continue reading

0 How to meet a celebrity

Aqua asks: I want to meet Taylor Swift, but I live far from her. What should I do?

Hi Aqua –

Wow, I’d love to meet her too!  She’s one of the few humans I’ve ever seen who’s even thinner than me!   And I’ve always loved music, all sorts, so she’s my kind of human.

Now with lots of celebrities, like movie stars, it’s virtually impossible to have any access to them.  But pop singers like Taylor Swift have a different situation.  They tour, all the time.  No matter how many recordings they sell, or how often they’re on TV, they still depend a lot on making personal appearances, and having contact with their public.

So the odds are very good that, no matter where you live, Taylor will be fairly near you at some time.  The tough part is that you don’t just want to see her singing “Love Story” and “Speak Continue reading

0 What is childhood Depression like?

Mama asks: My son is 11 yrs old. Since he was young, he easily gets angry from any thing. He can beat his friends for teasing him, he answers his teachers badly, and it’s never easy to calm him down. I’ve tried to talk to him, punish him, and do anything to stop it. When he calms down from his anger attacks, he either starts to wonder why he did it or tries to lie about what happened and say he was not the cause of the problem. Help me please.

Hi Mama –

I have a lot of thoughts about what might be going on, but they all lead to the same place.  Your son has a definite anger problem, which is beyond what’s normal for his age.  I really would urge you to find a good therapist who specializes in kids, as it sounds like there’s something really bothering your son, and the sooner it gets resolved, the happier he will be.

Having said that, my sense is that your son is probably a bit depressed.  We all know what depression looks like in adults – melancholy moods, hopelessness, lack of energy – but it’s almost the exact opposite in kids and early Continue reading

1 How to talk to your parents about something that happened

Astrid asks: How do you talk to you parents about stuff that happens. Like stuff that happens online and at school. Maybe stuff that kind of scares you?

Hi Astrid –

Your question is a little bit tough to answer, because I don’t know exactly what “scary stuff” you’re referring to.  And of course I don’t know you or your parents at all.  But it really comes down to a gigantic question: Who Do You Trust?

I’m very glad (and honored) that you trusted me enough to ask me about this.  But you definitely need to find someone in your own world who you can absolutely trust, to share these things with.  Most often, parents are the best choice.  But if your parents aren’t people you can trust with this information, you might want to talk to a teacher or administrator at school, a member of the clergy, or even a therapist or counselor who can help you.

Remember, stuff happens to everybody.  Every person (and dog) in the world has experienced being in a horrible position due to something they’ve Continue reading

1 How to deal with sibling rivalry

Toota asks: I have a 3-year-old daughter and she is very intelligent. Now I have a new baby and my older daughter is very angry with me, she tells me “I do not love you,” she hits her little sister. Is this depression? What shall I do?

Hi Toota –

Congratulations on your new baby!  I wish I could walk right up and sniff your whole family!!

Okay, I have good news and bad news for you.  Good news first – your daughter’s behavior doesn’t show Depression, or any other abnormality.  In fact, if she weren’t acting this way, I’d worry a bit.  She is showing a healthy, normal attitude, which I’m sure will, one day, turn into a beautiful relationship with her sister.

Then the bad news:  That day won’t come soon!  For three years, your daughter was the center of the universe.  You put all your attention onto her, she delighted you with her brightness, and everything was fantastic.  Then you hit her with the greatest insult she will ever receive in her life:  You had another Continue reading

0 How to get a parent to be more parental

Werewolves asks: Hi Shirelle. My mother is a very sweet person, almost like my sister, and I can tell her anything (including my crushes). But now I have lost my respect towards her as my mother, because I treat her like my sister, and so we fight for small, silly reasons, and I feel really bad when she cries because of it. I also have tried to tell her that if she acts like my mom, I will treat her like one. I really don’t know what to do. HELP ME!!!!

Hi Werewolves –

What a fascinating problem you have!  This takes a lot of thought!

It would be easier for me to give advice to your mother on this issue, but since it’s you who’s writing, I’ll try to throw a few suggestions out.

First, it would be great for you to sit down with her and talk about this.  You should tell her how great it’s been to have a mother who’s such a “best friend,” but that you also need a strong mom these days, one who you can Continue reading

0 How to prepare to study overseas

Pragya asks: I am studying in high school right now. After completion of my high school, I will have to go abroad for my further studies. Till now, I have been living with my parents and I think I really don’t have many responsibilities to fulfill. Even though I have grown, I am still dependent on my parents, and so I feel my behaviors are too childish and I lack confidence. I am seeking some ideas for changing myself into a mature and independent girl, in order to go through my upcoming strange days in a completely strange country. Can you give some ideas?

Hi Pragya –

How exciting!  This is a tremendous chance for you, something very few people get to experience.  And my greatest wish for you is that you are able to embrace and absorb all the treasures an overseas education has to offer!

So do I have any ideas for you?  I mainly have one:  Pragya, give yourself a break!  You are so self-critical!  There’s nothing wrong with living with your Continue reading

0 What to do when your parents prefer a sibling to you

Bella asks: What I’m going to say might sound stupid, but I have a strong feeling that my parents prefer my sister over me. Not that they hate me, but the way they act with her is completely different from the way they act with me. One day we are on good terms, but then a week later they are ignoring me! Any advice on what I should do???

Hi Bella –

It’s hard to talk about this issue, I know.  Parents always want to believe that they treat (and love) all their children the same, but of course at different times, they’re going to “miss the target” on that.  Some parents can’t help but prefer the kid who’s best-behaved, while others just feel more fondness for the one who’s the more troublesome!  And the affection might switch over time.

Meanwhile, it’s absolutely normal for their kids to want, and even demand, equality.  When kids are very young, they simply want everything Mom and Dad can offer at all times; then they are taught to share and act with fairness, so they expect to be treated Continue reading