Category Archives for "Parenting"

0 How to make an absent-minded teenager take responsibility

Cookie Vidal asks: I have a hard time getting my 16-year-old brother to do all my dog’s things (pick up her feces, change her water etc.), and for the last 6 months or so I have been doing it for him. He stays home all day and can’t even clean the floor or wash the dishes etc. So how do I approach him to get him to do something other than being on Facebook?

Hi Cookie Vidal –

Okay, first things first:  Nothing here is anything but normal.  16-year-old boys tend to be very forgetful, even if they mean to be responsible; and they usually are a lot less concerned with messes than other people.

If this weren’t the case – if he were, say, 24 – my suggestion to you would be to stop doing his chores.  To leave the dog’s mess out, to leave the floor and dishes (it’s not fair to the dog to not give her water though), and wait till it starts to drive him absolutely nuts.  That method works beautifully – but not necessarily with 16-year-old boys!

So I think you need to take more drastic measures.

The first one is – where is the rest of Continue reading

0 What to do when a sibling gets you in trouble by lying

AudreyKimberly146 asks: Hi, I’m 11 years old and I’m from Indonesia. I love my family, but sometimes they are so annoying. Once I dropped a phone because of my big sis nudging me. She said “sorry” to me, but when Mom asked who dropped the phone, she pointed at me. I explained that my big sis nudged me, but I also told Mom that she has said sorry! Then she yelled at me saying that she never said that and that saying so was an evil thing! And added, “how could you dare blaming your own big sister?” in a mad voice. So, my Mom was angry at me because I’d dropped the phone and blamed my sister! I don’t know what to say to my big sis! Please help me!

Hi AudreyKimberly146 –

Wow this is a really tough and rotten situation you’re in!  Tough because it’s hard to know what to do, and rotten because it’s totally unfair, and based in what sounds like a lie!

If I understand correctly, there’s nothing happening now about this, right?  In other words, you’re not still in trouble or anything?  Because if so, that means you have the advantage of time.  There’s nothing you need to rush into.

And if that’s the case, then here’s what I think would be a good idea.  Go up to your Continue reading

0 How old should one be before getting a dog?

danny asks: What is the appropriate age for keeping a dog?

Hi danny –

I assume you’re asking about the right age for a human to be, if they’re going to adopt a dog.  If I’m wrong, and you mean to ask what is the right age for a dog to be adopted, please get back to me on that.

I don’t think there’s an appropriate age for getting a dog.  What matters is the appropriate Continue reading

1 How to stop oneself playing computer games at bedtime.

Chicken asks: In the past few weeks I’ve been staying up late on my iPad and playing games when I’m supposed to sleep. I try to sleep but I can’t. I’ve been tired in the day, and if I tell my parents I will get in trouble. I can’t stop staying up late on my iPad. Please help!

Hi Chicken –

Okay, let’s start with the obvious here: the iPad is fun!  Of course you like staying up playing with it.  Also, computer games can get pretty addictive, and while you’re trying to master one, it’s awfully easy to lose track of time and suddenly find that hours have gone by.

Because of this, you are experiencing what some call a “teachable Continue reading

0 Is it a good idea to change your surname?

amber asks: I’m thinking about changing my surname to that of my mom’s side of the family, and wondering how my dad would feel about this. I want to change it because my current surname means nothing to me. My dad never spends time with me or ever rings. We have some contact, but last Christmas he made up an excuse so he wouldn’t have to visit (he only lives about an hour away from me). I just don’t understand why he doesn’t like spending time with me. Last time we actually spent time with each other was when I was six and now I’m fourteen. Last time he was down to visit it felt like I was talking to a stranger. It’s like I don’t know who he is. What should I do?

Hi amber –

There are two aspects to your question, and both are… well, huge!

First, you’re wondering about your father, and why he’s been so distant.  Oh my friend, I wish I were psychic and could tell you what’s going on in his mind, but, smart a pup as I am, I simply don’t know.  Maybe he just doesn’t know how to deal with you (perhaps because he feels guilty about not Continue reading

2 How to get your parents to treat you more fairly

jessanna11 asks: I’m 12 years old turning 13 in a few weeks . Everyone at school has the latest technology, whereas I don’t. I don’t want to sound like a spoilt brat because I’m not, but I just wish they weren’t so stubborn. I have a Nokia phone made in 1999, and it’s really embarrassing because my friends all have iPhone 5s. I begged and begged mum for an iPhone for my birthday (I have never gotten a present before – I just get money, except once I got my cat). I ask why I can’t have one and she says, “to teach you the value of money, so you know that nothing’s going to be handed to you in life.” Money is not the issue, but it just seems so unfair that I’m being brought up this way while other kids get luxuries. I am the eldest in the family, and I feel like my parents are tougher on me; I do have a laptop and iPod touch, but I bought those two things myself from doing work like cleaning, and saved up birthday money. Meanwhile my 7-year-old twin sisters have laptops, and my nine-year-old sister has a Android smartphone and laptop that my parents paid for. I didn’t get treated that way when I was young, so why do they? I’m a perfectly well-behaved child, I do soccer, I’m in the Navy cadets where we learn discipline, I am in extension classes at school for History, English, Maths and Science, and I work after school every night for two hours (earning about $8 every afternoon; I haven’t actually being paid yet but I’m to scared to ask). So how can I convince my stubborn parents to give me something for once in my life, other than the necessities, instead of just trying to teach me a lesson?

Hi jessanna11 –

I feel for you, but I think you’re asking the wrong question.  The issue here isn’t why you’re not getting a top-of-the-line phone, which is a super luxury, especially for someone your age.  Rather, it’s why you’re being treated unfairly, compared to the other kids at school, and even your own siblings.

I’m saying this to clarify the situation.  If your family was deeply impoverished, the idea of you getting a smartphone wouldn’t even come into anyone’s mind, but you’d care a lot about Continue reading

1 How to handle a younger sibling getting all the attention

Cookie Vidal asks: Hi I’m an 11-year-old and I have a 7-month-old brother and everyone gives him the attention that I want and I feel low at my house. I’m not like some people who, when they feel rejected, don’t play with their younger siblings. I just want people to at least know that I’m still alive. How do I let myself look visible?

Hi Cookie Vidal –

This is a very common problem, for lots of people (and dogs!).  You have a very specific situation, with a baby in the house.  But it can happen with older siblings, or even classmates.  So I first want to show you a piece I wrote for someone who was jealous of someone at school getting everyone’s attention all the time.  But then I’ll come back to your actual issue:

It sounds to me like you’re dealing with a very odd concept called Continue reading

0 How to get kids to do start doing things on their own

Cookie Vidal asks: My brother always asks me to do something when he can do it himself, and I get frustrated. How do I approach it?

Hi Cookie Vidal –

Your situation reminds me of something I went through as a puppy.  When I was about six months old, Handsome took me to the veterinarian to have me spayed (the operation that makes a female dog not able to have puppies).  I had a lot of stitches in my abdomen, and had to walk carefully while it healed – but no one was able to tell me that in a way I could understand.

Right away, after we got home, I tried to jump up on the bed to take a nap.  Well as you can guess, I couldn’t jump very high, and the trying really hurt!  So Handsome lifted me up and put me on the bed.  Then, once I’d had a little nap, I jumped off the bed onto the Continue reading

0 How to let go of caring for a sibling

musicgirl asks: My mom got diagnosed with cancer all the way back in 2006. I was 13 back then, and my sister was 12. Since her diagnosis I’ve taken care of a lot of the responsibilities that would normally be my mom’s, but she couldn’t do, especially taking care of my sister. Everything in our world changed within days. I went from being a 13-year-old to a responsible older sister. I had to learn how to take care of my sister and do house chores and everything while my parents worried about my mom and her health. Since we were young, my parents didn’t tell us everything, we just knew the generals, like when she was having surgery or chemo or whatever… To be honest, I was scared and I didn’t want to know more. We kept growing up and I kept taking care of my sister, and became more of a mother figure when necessary. I attended the parent/teacher conferences and all the meetings from her sports team, and I took her wherever she needed. Now I’m almost 20 and she’s 18. She goes to college now, and she’s grown more independent, but I keep trying to make sure she’s okay and stuff… how can I stop feeling so responsible for her?

Hi musicgirl –

Okay, before I say anything else, may I please bow down to you, in humble awe at what you’ve done.  Diseases are unfair anyway, but this one has not only robbed your mother of the life she planned, but took lots of your time as a teenager too.  I respect your responsibility, your honor, and your deep care for your sister enormously.

But your question points out a problem: you got so good at being such a great caretaker that you don’t know how to Continue reading

0 How to handle the death of a loved one

daisymimi22 asks: My grandma had died yesterday. I am really sad about it, and think of her all the time. Can you please tell me how to turn back to life and be normal?

Hi daisymimi22 –

I’m awfully sorry to hear about your grandmother.  I know what it’s like to lose someone I dearly love, and it’s a devastating feeling.  When we dogs feel that way, we do something I think people should do more often – we howl.  We go outside and look up at the sky (especially if there’s a moon) and yell out a plaintive cry from the bottom of our soul.  It’s the saddest, loneliest sound in the world.  Which means that everyone who hears it instantly feels a part of the deep sadness and loss we’re feeling.  And that helps.  It really does.  Their feeling some of our sadness makes us feel a little less alone.

You might not like the answer I’m going to give to your question, daisymimi22, but here it is:  Why would you want to be Continue reading