Category Archives for "Life Skills"

0 How to deal with a jealous friend

brena asks: My friend told my boyfriend she was in love with him, and that if she broke up with her boyfriend, he would be her backup plan (at that time my boyfriend and I were not together). Now we are together again, but it looks like she is jealous over us: she is always calling him to do things for her that I don’t ask him to do for me. His mother baked a cake and told him that I was to get the biggest slice, but instead the girl took out the bigger slice and ate it! I was so upset! I don’t trust her because she made my life hell when I was 15 (she made me talk to her 19-year-old cousin and they lied about his age, and he broke my heart! And she knew he was cheating on me, but because she was afraid of him she did not tell me). I once thought she was a nice person, but I don’t know what to think anymore. Because of this my boyfriend keeps reminding me about my past with her cousin, and it hurts so bad that sometimes I cry.

Hi Brena –

Now I know that there are at least two sides to every story, and I’m sure this girl has her viewpoint.  But I have to say that, from everything you’re telling me, she doesn’t sound like much of a friend at all!  The incident about her cousin sounds pretty innocent (I don’t notice most humans telling people the ages of the people they introduce them to – “Hi this is my cousin Donny, and he’s 32” sounds weird, you know? – and you even say that she didn’t tell you about his cheating because she was afraid of him).  But this other stuff is really weird.

Let me make sure I got it straight.  When you and your boyfriend were broken up, she told him he was her “backup plan.”  In other words, he was the guy she’d go out with if anything happened with her current relationship.  Now why would someone say such a thing?  What effect did she want to have on your boyfriend?  To get him to wait for her, out of hope that her relationship would Continue reading

0 How teenagers can stop lying to their parents

Anna2 asks: My mom is pretty lenient, compared to other kids’ moms, but lately I’ve caught myself lying to her about things, in order to get away with stuff (saying I misunderstood her rules about having friends over, or saying a band I like isn’t as “inappropriate” as they really are). I’m pretty scared. What should I do?

Hi Anna2 –

You are in a very normal, common place for a teenager.  It sounds like you actually have a very good relationship with your mom, but you’re wanting to make your own choices about your own life.  For example, you know which friends are safe to have over, and you know the difference between “appropriate” and “inappropriate” song lyrics.  So why should your mom insist on making those decisions for you?

Well, there are lots of reasons why.  And the biggest of them is that she doesn’t yet know for sure that you’ll make the safest Continue reading

0 How to get rid of flab

spectro.patronam asks: I am 13 years old and I have a serious problem which is hampering my studies, my life, and my decisions. I have excessive belly fat and love handles. The rest of my body parts are fit and ok, but I have not been able to do anything about those. I know that you would suggest me to exercise, but I don’t get enough time for that. And my friends tease me. I have stopped dancing (although I am a good dancer and have already received many prizes for winning dance competitions) and I also have stopped taking part in the activities that I am good at. Can you help me by suggesting some ways to reduce my belly fat and love handles?

Hi spectro.patronam –

Your question brings up a lot of issues, but I want to primarily go after one.  You say that you don’t have time for exercise.  I disagree.  I insist that you don’t have enough time to NOT exercise!  Imagine if someone asked you if you had time enough to breathe.  Let’s see, if you didn’t breathe, you’d probably only live for a few minutes, right?  So no, you have to breathe, so you’ll have time to do the other things you want or need to do.  Well exercise is only a little less drastic.

The biggest health problem in the industrialized world today is a mix of eating unhealthy food and lack of exercise.  And as a person (or dog) progresses with junk food and non-exercise, they lose Continue reading

0 How to enjoy your teenager you’ve never known

Chebby asks: my daughter is 13 years old, and she stayed with my parents till last year when I started staying with her. I don’t have that love or closeness to her. My fear is she has noticed I’m always annoyed with her. How can I handle this and stay with her?

Hi Chebby –

I really have to commend you for your honesty.  Very few parents would be willing to admit not feeling the feelings most parents have for their kids.

Having said that, though, I’ll also say that (and I’ll bet all the teens reading this will agree), teenagers aren’t as easy for parents to fall in love with as babies, toddlers, and infants.  Where most parents are totally smitten with their kids before they start their rebellious teen years, you’re just now beginning to really know her, and that can be pretty demanding.

In fact, you’re probably right that she notices your Continue reading

0 Advice for a twelve-year-old girl thinking about dating

epic1999 asks: I’m 12 and I met this boy who is 13, nearly 14. We get on really well and he knows every thing about me and I know every thing about him. I have never felt like this before about any boy. Because he is older than me he asks me questions and I feel ok answering them. But my only worry is that he will want something from me and I will get hurt in the end. I have talked to all the family members I can trust, but they say that I’m too young to be in a relationship. So I just need a bit of advice.

Hi epic1999 –

I have many pet peeves – squirrels, cats, the sound of skateboards – but one of the big ones is the word “relationship.”  It’s SO vague!  Hey look, you and I are in a Relationship – because I’m writing you an answer to the question you asked me.  You’re in a Relationship with the computer you’re reading this on.  You’re in a Relationship with the chair you’re sitting on as you read this!  And of course you’re in a Relationship with every family member, friend, schoolmate, neighbor… in the end, you’re in a Relationship with everyone and everything there is!

So when your caring family members say that you’re too young to be in a relationship, what you’re really talking about is dating, romance, and (to some degree or another) sex!  Yes, even if that’s just holding hands or kissing on the Continue reading

0 What should a parent do if they suspect their teenager is smoking marijuana?

flaca asks: What steps should I take if I suspect my son is on drugs such as marijuana?

Hi flaca –

It’s always terrifying to think that someone you love is doing something harmful to themselves.  And it’s always so crazy, because their doing it means that they don’t value themselves the way we (who love them so) do.  After all, how would your kids like it if they saw you cutting your fingers on purpose?!  It’d freak them out, wouldn’t it?  Yet they will be completely oblivious to your worries about them not only smoking (which is so terrible for their lungs and liver) but smoking something that affects their mind and very likely is illegal as well.

Teenagers go through lots of phases where their moods change, they’ll withdraw, they might even smell bad, and having a parent hounding them (yes, I did use that Continue reading

0 How can a teacher establish relationships to students?

MESS asks: I am a new teacher in The American school. How can I establish a relationship with all children?

Hi MESS –

Well I guess I have two answers for you.  The first is that it’s impossible.  Some kids are going to like you, while some really don’t.  Hey don’t take it personally – some kids don’t like me, and I’m soft and cuddly and pretty and playful and funny and lick their nose and… and they still don’t like me!  Maybe they were bitten by a dog once, so they are afraid of all dogs.  Or maybe they just like cats better (I know, I know, but some kids are just crazy that way!).  Or maybe they just have other things on their mind.  Similarly, some kids just aren’t going to like their teacher, or they’ll like teachers that are very different from you.  And for those kids, your job is just to do the best you can: teach them as much as possible, keep them safe and out of trouble, and work to give more of yourself to the others who really develop a relationship with you.

That’s my first answer.  My second is… Continue reading

0 What to do when you worry people are talking about you behind your back?

prettyndsweet12 asks: Dear Shirelle, I’m always worried that, whenever I’m not at school, people are talking about me behind my back and sharing my secrets. Can you give me some tips on how to relax and trust people?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

This is a problem for just about everyone, including all us dogs.  You’ll see when we meet each other, our tails usually go between our legs, and we carefully walk around each other and sniff.  This answers two questions – first, have we met before (and do I remember something that tells me whether or not I should trust this dog), and second, will the dog let me get this close.  Trusting is hard, and although we want to trust that dog, we also fear that it might hurt us.  So we do the best we can.

Your situation is a little different, though.  You’re not so afraid of what someone’s going to do when you’re there as you are of what happens when you’re Continue reading

0 What does it mean when a child is moody?

mums asks: I am the mother of a 9-year-old boy. He is very good in studies but he doesn’t want to be regular in studies, and he is very moody and a fussy eater. He just likes to play on TV, computer, or his mobile phone. How should I deal with him? Sometimes it gets out of control.

Hi mums –

Most of what you say sounds like a very normal 9-year-old boy.  He’s good but inconsistent at school, a fussy eater, and would rather play on his electronic gadgets than just about anything else.  Right on schedule!

The only word you say that worries me is that he’s also “moody.”  If he were thirteen, I’d say that was normal too, but nine-year-olds aren’t usually very moody.  Do you mean that he’s kind of depressive?  Angry?  Withdrawn?

My first thought, of course, is to ask him what’s Continue reading

1 How to reduce stage fright

Sarah asks: In two weeks I am going to perform (rap) on stage and I am extremely nervous. What can I do to help me reduce that fear?

Hi Sarah –

The first – and most important – thing for you to know about this is that Stage Fright is the most common greatest fear in the human race.  Let me clarify what I mean: when people are asked in surveys “What is your greatest fear,” and there are answers like illness, death, and losing all your money, they answer “Public Speaking” more often than anything else!

We dogs don’t have as big a problem with this, because we don’t have self-awareness and self-consciousness in the way humans do (simply because our brains are smaller!).  But I sure see humans freaking out about it a lot, so I can offer you a few suggestions to help you with it (try them out and see which ones work for you, and don’t worry about the Continue reading