Category Archives for "Family"

0 What happens when we start following others?

dumboo asks: What will happen if we start following others?

Hi dumboo –

When we are young, following others is pretty much all we do.

Who do I mean by “we?”  Well, we dogs definitely follow our mothers and siblings when we’re very young, and when we get interested in a human, we’ll follow you everywhere, all day long!  Have you ever watched ducklings?  They swim in a nearly perfect line behind their mothers when in water, and walk right behind her as well on land.

And you humans?  When you are babies, your primary focus is on your caregivers – whether your parents or someone else – and trying to learn how to be like them.  That’s how humans learn to walk and talk, probably the two most Continue reading

1 Is it wrong to be jealous of people who still have their parents?

Salvatore asks: As you know, my father died a few months ago. Now, whenever my friends talk about their dads, I feel that something is burning inside me. I don’t know exactly what it is, but I think it may be jealousy. Please tell me how to overcome this feeling.

Hi Salvatore –

I have written about jealousy a few times.  Usually it’s about romantic jealousy, which can be anything from heartbreaking to fun to, as we know, murderous!

But the jealousy you talk about is something very different.  What happened to your father – and to you and the rest of your family – is absolutely unfair.  There’s nothing you have done – or could have done – to deserve this pain.  And when you hear other kids talk about their fathers, there’s no way it won’t hurt.

Though, of course, unless they’re purposely trying to make you feel bad, this isn’t their Continue reading

0 What to do when a sibling lies about you

Cookie Vidal asks: I’m 12 and my brother is 17, and he always blames me for things that I didn’t do, like putting bones in the sink. I’m getting sick and tired of him blaming me, so how do I make him stop?

Hi Cookie Vidal –
Remember a while back, when you asked me about your brother’s airheaded irresponsibility, and I said to accept it as a phase, and not feel that he’s a bad guy in any way?  Well, I’m starting to change my opinion.

You see, we dogs don’t lie.  It’s not that we’re too moral (we’re NOT!); it’s that we simply can’t.  Our brains don’t work that way.  Because of this, there’s a lot of confusion in our dealings with humans.

The most common example is when kids play fetch with us, and tease us by pretending to throw the ball and not actually letting go of it.  We run to chase it, and can’t find it.  The kids laugh at our confusion.  Now if they do it once, it’s not a problem, but if they do it more, we begin to think that their making that throwing motion doesn’t mean a ball is coming, so we stop responding to that sight.  We don’t have any sense of the child’s joke, because we don’t think that way.  So then the kid wants to really play fetch again, and it doesn’t work, because we’re not responding the way we have to in the Continue reading

0 How to deal with new fears after losing a parent

Salvatore asks: When you answered my last question, you asked what might have caused my depression. Its actual cause is my dad’s death. He died suddenly two and a half months ago. Since his death, I’ve been worrying about my future education. I still have my mother, elder brothers, and sister, but they can’t take away this feeling. I am studying pre-medicine. I remain worried all the time about who will support me financially till I become a doctor. I’m also worrying all the time about losing my mother too, as I lost my father. Please tell me what to do!

Hi Salvatore –

I am so horribly sorry about your devastating loss.  All animals expect to outlive their parents, but humans are supposed to last till we’re much much older.  It’s not fair that it happened to you, and I’m not going to try to make it feel better, because I just can’t.

I’m glad you told me what the reason for your feelings is.  Because there’s a difference between the usual Depression and what you’re experiencing, although they have the same symptoms.  You are going through what’s called Bereavement.  There’s no cure for it but time.  You’ve lost someone very close to you, who you loved dearly, and it came completely out of the blue.

In comparison, I know a man whose dog died of Continue reading

0 How a parent should deal with their teenagers’ peer relationships

tefexu asks: How should I treat my young daughter (15) as to her relationships with her peer groups?

Hi tefexu –

My general answer to you is similar to what I’d say to a vanquished army after a war, if they asked me how they should treat the winners: be nice and try to get along, but hold to some boundaries.

Starting around age 8, human children begin to move away from being completely focused on their parents, and get more interested in their peers.  By age 13 or so, the peers actually become more important in their minds than their parents or other authority figures.

Now don’t get too frightened.  I’m not saying that the peers have more Continue reading

0 What to do if a teen hits a parent

achhu asks: My 13-year-old daughter is sharp-minded but very lazy in all her routines. She always obeys me but not her mother. Sometimes she also shows violence to her mother. She has a 7-year-old brother as well. Working father and housewife mother, happy middle class family. Whenever I advise her, she admits guilt and promises not to repeat. But after a short interval the problem starts again. What shall we do?

Hi achhu –

Any dog owner will tell you that the toughest time with a pet dog is the first year.  Puppies are rebellious, destructive, stubborn, needy, and have no real empathy for anyone else.  (That’s why we’re so incredibly cute at that age; if we weren’t, no one would put up with us!)

Humans go through something like that at age two, when they’re about as cute as puppies.  But then they go through a similar phase about 10-15 years later.  And it’s not nearly as adorable for the parents.  It’s called Adolescence, and most parents find it the most trying time they ever have with their kids (and get insanely nostalgic for those first couple of years, when the kids cried all day and screamed all night, but somehow seemed sweeter!).

That’s what you’re dealing with, achhu.  Your daughter is right on schedule.  And it’s completely normal for her to be especially mean to her Continue reading

1 How to deal with parents who are addicts

kaylanicole asks: My best friend, who is my stepmom’s niece (so technically my cousin now), and I have been close for years. She’s just spent nine days with her sister, who hates me. Now one minute she’s telling me to “**** off,” and the next saying “I love you.” She has a lot going on too, because her parents are constantly doing drugs and she’s had a rough life, but I always try to be here for her. We have been arguing on and off and it really hurts. I don’t want to lose her or stop talking to her, because I’m already stressed enough (My mom is on pills and heroin real bad and I’m scared she will die soon because she won’t get any help, and my grandma who raised me is in bad health, and my papaw who also raised me passed a year ago). I recently moved out of my grandma’s house because of stress/depression, but now I have it just as bad here. I always feel bad because my grandma tries to get me to move back in and tells me how she needs help and stuff. My nana has Crohn’s disease and is really skinny and in terrible shape. I told my best friend that I have a lot going on. She is one of the people that means the most to me and I just don’t know what to do. She will bring up her sister’s BF’s sister to make me jealous, and she changed her cover photo on Facebook to them, which used to be us most the time. I feel so alone and replaced, and most nights I lay in bed and cry until I’m tired. The depression/stress is taking over.

Hi kaylanicole –

This is one of the most heartbreaking letters I’ve ever received.  I get mail all the time that tells of pain, heartbreak, or frustration, and I’m usually able to keep my tail wagging and come up with cheerful fun ways to help those people out.  But after reading your letter, I had to go outside and give a big mournful yowl.

It’s not that your situation is impossible.  It’s just that it’s so sad.  Both you and your best friend are suffering with parents who are drug addicts.  And that is one of the toughest situations any kid can live in.

Now before any readers jump in to say, “Hey, I saw my dad Continue reading

0 How to make an absent-minded teenager take responsibility

Cookie Vidal asks: I have a hard time getting my 16-year-old brother to do all my dog’s things (pick up her feces, change her water etc.), and for the last 6 months or so I have been doing it for him. He stays home all day and can’t even clean the floor or wash the dishes etc. So how do I approach him to get him to do something other than being on Facebook?

Hi Cookie Vidal –

Okay, first things first:  Nothing here is anything but normal.  16-year-old boys tend to be very forgetful, even if they mean to be responsible; and they usually are a lot less concerned with messes than other people.

If this weren’t the case – if he were, say, 24 – my suggestion to you would be to stop doing his chores.  To leave the dog’s mess out, to leave the floor and dishes (it’s not fair to the dog to not give her water though), and wait till it starts to drive him absolutely nuts.  That method works beautifully – but not necessarily with 16-year-old boys!

So I think you need to take more drastic measures.

The first one is – where is the rest of Continue reading

0 What to do when a sibling gets you in trouble by lying

AudreyKimberly146 asks: Hi, I’m 11 years old and I’m from Indonesia. I love my family, but sometimes they are so annoying. Once I dropped a phone because of my big sis nudging me. She said “sorry” to me, but when Mom asked who dropped the phone, she pointed at me. I explained that my big sis nudged me, but I also told Mom that she has said sorry! Then she yelled at me saying that she never said that and that saying so was an evil thing! And added, “how could you dare blaming your own big sister?” in a mad voice. So, my Mom was angry at me because I’d dropped the phone and blamed my sister! I don’t know what to say to my big sis! Please help me!

Hi AudreyKimberly146 –

Wow this is a really tough and rotten situation you’re in!  Tough because it’s hard to know what to do, and rotten because it’s totally unfair, and based in what sounds like a lie!

If I understand correctly, there’s nothing happening now about this, right?  In other words, you’re not still in trouble or anything?  Because if so, that means you have the advantage of time.  There’s nothing you need to rush into.

And if that’s the case, then here’s what I think would be a good idea.  Go up to your Continue reading

0 How old should one be before getting a dog?

danny asks: What is the appropriate age for keeping a dog?

Hi danny –

I assume you’re asking about the right age for a human to be, if they’re going to adopt a dog.  If I’m wrong, and you mean to ask what is the right age for a dog to be adopted, please get back to me on that.

I don’t think there’s an appropriate age for getting a dog.  What matters is the appropriate Continue reading