Category Archives for "Behavior"

1 How to change someone’s opinion about you

Julia asks: My mom keeps saying I’m the problem, but I haven’t done anything wrong. So how can I make her see that she just has a problem with everything?

Hi Julia –

Thanks for your question about your mom.

This is a really tough question to answer.  For two reasons.  First, because I don’t really know who to believe – have you really never done anything wrong?!  If so, then you’re the most amazing kid I’ve ever heard of!  (The list of all the wrong things I’ve done would fill this website three times over!).

But second, if your mom really just has this negative feeling toward you no matter what you Continue reading

0 What to do if your boyfriend is ignoring you

Pallas asks: A girl and a guy were harbouring a crush for each other. Then the two started dating. However, once they started dating, the guy started ignoring the girl. The girl was worried that he might not be in love with her anymore so she asked him through a text “Do you still love me?” The guy replied, “Of course I do” The girl was happy but each time they see each other, the guy would always ignore her. He would run off somewhere and start flirting with other girls. The girl was upset and went up to me crying over how sad she was. She took out her phone and asked the same question. He replied with the same answer, but this time she didn’t believe him. So she wanted me to ask him instead and when I did, he replied with the same answer again! I asked him why he was ignoring the girl but he said he wasn’t. He kept looking for her whenever she wasn’t around. I’m seriously confused, Shirelle. I don’t know how am I supposed to help my friend with her complicated love life. I really need to know what I can do to help these two.

Hi Pallas –

There’s a funny thing about humans.  When they’re really little, of course, they don’t have a strong sense of right and wrong, or especially of fairness.  But by the time they reach around five years old, they become obsessed with fair treatment.  If you go to a playground, the kids from five till around eight will argue about rules, check rules, create new rules, and talk about what’s fair and what’s not all the time.

Then they grow up a bit more, and accept the rules that are out there more (or break them, but know they’re breaking them!).  And then they start to date.

And suddenly, all the self-care they used to have, all the concern about whether or not they were being treated fairly, goes straight out the Continue reading

0 How to keep teenagers from abusing drugs and alcohol

Kully asks: What can be done to help high school learners not to engage in alcohol and drug abuse?

Hi Kully –

This is of course a gigantic issue, one that has dominated minds far greater than mine for decades.

The problem is a simple one – teenagers like to do things that are daring, things that are adult, and things that make them feel different; and alcohol and drugs meet all three of those desires.

The one thing I can promise you doesn’t work is telling them not to do them.  It’s great to educate children about the dangers of different substances, and that can have fantastic long-term results.  In the United States, concerted campaigns to teach kids about the dangers of smoking have helped cut the percentage of smokers there by half in the last fifty years.  But telling teenagers that alcohol and drug abuse are unhealthy does almost Continue reading

0 How to keep children from getting their parents’ faults

siminsarahashim asks: My husband is a good man who loves his family a lot, but he has many bad habits, such as sitting around most of the time watching TV while drinking beer. I don’t want our children to grow up to behave that same way. What can I do?

Hi siminsarahashim –

I have both good and bad news for you.  I’ll give the bad news first – children learn immensely more from what they see their parents do than what their parents tell them.  Think about it – imagine if someone tried to teach you your first language, or how to walk; it’d just be impossible!   A child’s brain observes those around them, and the child then copies that to a giant extent.  This is why it’s so silly for parents who smoke, drink, or use bad language to try to teach their children not to do such things: the desire for the kid to emulate their parents is so much stronger than the desire to Continue reading

1 What are the constraints of becoming pregnant at an early age?

Sparkle asks: what are the constraints of becoming pregnant at an early age?

Hi Sparkle –

There are really two answers to your question.  The first is what the constraints are of becoming pregnant at any age.

I was spayed when I was six months old, so have no experience with pregnancy.  But from what I hear, it’s the most intense experience anyone ever goes through.  Your body changes in countless ways – your hormones go wild (which is of course happening in your teen years anyway, so just figure it’s more of what you’ve been already experiencing!).   Your belly of course swells to many times its normal size.  The pregnancy cuts into pretty much all your activities, from athletic physical ones (of course) to social and academic ones (you’ll need lots of extra sleep, crave odd foods, have to avoid lots of your favorite foods, throw up lots, and have to pee ALL THE TIME since your bladder is being sat on by the Continue reading

0 What is Bipolar?

ti-f asks: I have this friend who thinks she’s bipolar. She doesn’t really act like she is bipolar, though she does cut herself (but just to hurt herself, not like she wants to kill herself). I told her she isn’t bipolar, but I don’t know how to convince her of it. She is only 12, and is Christian. Can you help me?

Hi ti-f –

ti-f, we’re dealing with two really big issues here.  First, exactly what is meant by “bipolar.”  Lots of people use that term very casually, referring to someone who’s moody or goes to extremes in excitement.  Well that applies to me!  And I’m definitely not bipolar.  I’m just a very active and friendly dog.

The true meaning of Bipolar is someone who is usually depressed, but at times will slip into some form of a Continue reading

1 What are the advantages and disadvantages of Facebook for teenagers?

tango asks: What are some advantages and disadvantages of Facebook for high schoolers?

Hi tango –

Facebook is, I suppose, the most profound change in humans’ social world of the last decade.  I don’t even know what would come in second place!  It has exploded in popularity and importance so quickly that most of the world has been struggling to keep up with it – including trying to grasp what its advantages and disadvantages are.  Besides its original intent to create a place for friends to meet online, it has contributed to the fall of empires, to countless reunions of lost contacts, and – yes – to millions of acts of thoughtlessness and cruelty.

I’m only a dog and don’t have nearly the imagination or wisdom to know all the advantages or disadvantages inherent in Facebook.  But there are a few things I do know, and they all have Continue reading

0 How can one reduce the negative impact of television

genius asks: what are some solutions that can stem the negative impact of television viewing on teens

Hi genius –

Thanks for your question about television viewing.

As I’ve said on here many times, I’m not a big fan of television.  No dogs are – our humans sit watching TV and not playing with us for hours on end, and it’s BORRRRRRRRRRING!  But I know that you humans tend to like it a lot, and often get quite a bit of good out of watching it.  So I have to accept it.

But you’re asking about the negative impact of TV on teens.  Well, let’s look at what that might be.  Here are a few Continue reading

0 How to be more noticed

shae asks: My friend’s daughter told her father that I am quiet and it really hurt me, and now my daddy calls me his “quiet daughter,” and it makes me go in the bathroom and cry. What should I do when people say they do not notice me and it hurts my feelings?

Hi Shae –

Well first let me just say that a lot of our neighbors here wish I was quiet, and would like me a lot better if I were.  So being quiet isn’t necessarily such a bad thing!

And I’m curious about why it hurt you so badly that someone called you that.  What’s so bad about being quiet?  Lots of people prefer quieter people as friends, employees, coworkers, etc.  There are all those old proverbs like “Flies don’t enter a closed mouth,” telling people that silence is often a virtue.  There are SO much worse qualities!  People could say you’re mean, or you’re unlikable, or you’re a Continue reading

1 How to motivate people

sarah asks: Dear Shirelle, my friend needs help with motivating lazy people to do their jobs. He holds the position of command sergeant major in JROTC. He basically needs advice on motivation, getting people to listen to him and also to plan how to take charge of a company.

Hi sarah –

I feel a little funny answering this, given the nature of ROTC and JROTC.  For those of you who don’t know, ROTC stands for Reserve Officers Training Corps.  It’s a program in the US Army where people train to be officers.  (JROTC is the Junior version of it, for younger people)

My problem is that armies around the world have been doing a very good job of motivating people for centuries and more!  And I would think that part of training an army officer would be teaching them how to get people to do what you want them to do.  So I’m not sure how much a dog’s advice is worth, when compared to what they teach there.  But here are some Continue reading