Category Archives for "Behavior"

0 How can one live by their own rules

apple eye asks: If we want to lead our life in a my way style but others oppose it, then what should we do? Rebel? Or shut up?!

Hi apple eye –

I want to turn your question around, to make a point:  How can a person know that they’re living in a ‘my way’ style?  The answer, of course, is that they’re doing what other people oppose!

If Handsome takes me on a walk, and I heel, sit, stay, and come every time he says to; if I pay a lot more attention to where he is than the squirrel down the street or the dog barking from behind that nearby window; if I don’t jump on the person he stops to chat with – I might be living my way.  But if I pull on the leash all the time, ignore everything Handsome says, bark at other dogs, try to get away to chase that squirrel, and jump right up our neighbor’s Continue reading

0 What is peer pressure?

Martha asks: What is peer pressure?

Hi Martha –

Peer Pressure is a very simple thing, but with very complex consequences.  Basically, people do things for one of three reasons.

First, because they want to: a baby cries, crawls, burps, because it feels like it; similarly, if you see a yummy cookie that you forgot was in your house, you might eat it, just because you feel like it.

Second, people do things because they’re directly told to.  A student does their homework because they’re supposed to.  A driver stops at a red light because that’s the law.  Maybe you refrain from eating that cookie, because your Continue reading

4 Why would a child be bored?

Marussia asks: What should be done about a 6-year old boy (my son) who says he is often bored? Yesterday we were having a walk at a place where two his peers were playing football. My son didn’t approach them till one of their mothers invited him to take part in the game. My husband says we shouldn’t force him to play with other kids or invent some games for him – he is big enough to realize that if he wants to have fun he should do it himself. What do you think?

Hi Marussia –

When kids say they’re bored, it usually means one of two things.  First, that there’s just not anything around that’s interesting to them.  While an adult might just relish the thrill of seeing all five hours of Wagner’s opera “Gotterdammerung,” it’s not something I’d recommend foisting on an eight-year-old!

But the other reason is that there’s something going on inside the kid that’s keeping them from embracing life as they should.  You see, we dogs are a lot like young kids.  And if I walk into a new environment, my nose is sniffing everything, my ears are perked up, I’m looking around…  I might be a little nervous or scared, but I’m sure not Continue reading

0 How can I be less sensitive

danashafik123 asks: How can I be less sensitive?

Hi danashafik123 –

You know, it’s a funny thing, I think we all wish for that some times.  We play a rough sport, and everyone else is fine with falling and being jumped on, but we find it hard because we feel more pain than the others (or because we can’t retaliate!  Dogs do not like dodgeball!!!).  Or something sad or hurtful happens to us, and we wish we didn’t feel so awful.  Maybe our friends or family are even telling us “Get over it!  Move on!” and we just can’t.

And so we wish we were less sensitive.

Now some people are too physically sensitive.  They might have something called Sensory Integrative Disorder, or even a form of Continue reading

1 How to deal with violent family members

katie1234 asks: I’m a 15 year old girl, with no violent past, who all my friends know as a very peaceful person, accused of beating up my step mum and sister. I had a fight with both of them the night before and in the morning was attacked by my older sister (who has done this many times before and both parents know this) who got angry about another argument. She then called my step mum (who also has been in many physical fights with this same sister where police and social services had to come round multiple times) up to say that I attacked her. My step mum came back home and immediately took my purse. I struggled and took it off her, which I admit wasn’t the best thing to do, but then she threw me on the floor and wrestled me for it, hurting me. I pushed her off me time and time again. She eventually got it, sat on it and said she was farting on it (she’s 41). I took it back off her and she said, “fine take your stupid purse” and threw it at me. I of course rushed out of the house as soon as possible, but just when I got to the door and opened it she said “no you’re not getting away with this,” and yanked my hair up then threw me to the wall, which left me dizzy on the floor for about two minutes. I was so scared I rushed out to the road opposite a school (this was just before I left for my school), where little children were walking, crying, hair all messy and trying to put the shoes my step mum threw at me on in the middle of the street. The side of my head hurt for the rest of the day. However, this was not the most hurtful thing in the situation. The worst thing was coming home to my father and stepsister, who believed I attacked both my step mum and my sister, even though both were much stronger and angrier than me. I was punished of course but the worst thing is my dad believing I was beating them – especially when I thought he knew me as a person. Forgetting all the manipulation and psychological abuse my sister and I have suffered from her in the past, my step mum has broken my close relationship with my dad and my sister. Someone who I was also very close to has hurt me, and I don’t know if I can trust her again. What can I do?

Hi katie1234 –

There is so much here that I don’t really know where to start.

First of all, I don’t know where you live, but in many places, your stepmother could be arrested for this – even if they say you were the instigator, you’re still only 15 and she’s not supposed to get into fights with you.

Second, there’s something very odd in your story about your Continue reading

0 Is a spouse responsible for their spouse’s behaviors?

Marussia asks: I’ve read recently that if I change my husband will change as well. We’ve got a 6-year old son, and for about a year my husband has been drinking beer and stronger alcohol. Is the problem in me? In my attitude towards him? Sometimes we quarrel and he can shout at me, then he calms down and says he loves me.

Hi Marussia –

This is SUCH a complex question!  It’s kind of like asking how much parents determine the personality of their kids.  The answer is always yes, but never 100%.

My friend Handsome works with a lot of couples.  And every time he begins to think someone’s issues are all because of their spouse, he’s proven wrong.  And every time he thinks they’re all for other reasons, he’s proven wrong too.

But that doesn’t help you any.  You’re wondering why your husband Continue reading

0 How to fend off bullies who insult your better qualities

ebrooke asks: I am in high school. A big group of bullies say mean things behind my back. I don’t know why but I think it’s because a) I look anorexic (I’m not); b) I sound American and people say mean things about that; c) I am friends with all the boys except the mean ones; and d) I have good grades (I don’t think that’s bad though). One day they called me and my friends nerds and a called them a mean thing back and then they kept on saying mean things and so did I. I feel guilty and if I say anything, they won’t stop and they can tell on me too. What can I do?

Hi ebrooke –

Okay, first of all, I have a couple of pieces on Bullying, on this site.  Just go to the Search Box on your right, and type in Bullying or Bullies – you should find them.

But then I want to point something out to you about bullies.  The best of them, the really talented ones, are brilliant at making people feel bad about themselves, even for their best qualities.  Said with enough scorn, “You’re a beautiful genius” can be an insult!  You have here listed four things that these jerks insult you for – and not one of them is a Continue reading

0 why are teens drinking so much today

max asks: What’s the reason for the increase of young teenagers that drink today?

Hi max –

I have to be honest with you, max.  I’ve been looking around the internet, and I’m not seeing clear statistics about an increase.  In fact, in the US, it appears teenage drinking has gone down in the last decade.

But don’t get the idea that I’m saying it’s not a problem.  That reduction might well be because teens are doing more of other substances!

What I think you’re seeing, max, is due to two factors.  One is that as people get older, people younger than them look younger!  So if you were, say twelve, and you saw a fourteen-year-old drinking beer at a party, you were seeing an “older teen.”  But if you’re thirty and you see that same fourteen-year-old, you’re seeing a Continue reading

0 How to get a parent to not touch you so much

jamz12 asks: My Father is always teasing me, so whenever he touches me I get annoyed, yell at him, etc. What should I do to control my emotions? Because I know that I hurt his feelings when I yell at him.

Hi jamz12 –

I love that you’re concerned about your father’s feelings.  That’s a good quality, that will serve you well as your life goes on.

But I wish he showed as much concern for yours.

Look, it’s tough to be a parent.  For the first few years, you have a 24-hour job of taking care of this helpless little being, and the only reward you get is to stuff your face into its tummy and make farting noises with your mouth!  Then the kid gets older, and you love nothing more than the physical connection you have with them – hugs, them falling asleep on you, all that.  Then they get a little older than that… and suddenly they want their own space.  They don’t want you touching them all the time.  And of course, that Continue reading

0 How to train a dog

jamz12 asks: How can I train dogs?

Hi jamz12 –
Well, of course, I’ve never trained a dog.  I have spent most of my lifetime training a human – and at this point I’ve got him feeding me, walking me, and scratching me at that place I really love right there, just on the left side of my tummy, where I can never quite scratch myself in quite the right….  Oooooooohhhhhhhh yeah, that’s it…  Aaaaaaahhhhhh!

There are lots of experts out there, who know how to train difficult dogs, or train dogs to do amazing tricks.  But usually, what people really want is to train their dogs to do three things:  1) be safe; 2) not hurt or bother other people; and 3) be easy to Continue reading