Bts army asks: I like to create fake scenarios in my mind about how my future will look or how I want it to be. Sometimes I think doing this will take me further from achieving, but other times think that I’m creating my future, so it’s okay. But I feel like I am not enjoying the present as much and, honestly, there’s not much to enjoy. So what should I do? How do I stay happy with things I have, even if there isn’t anything great going on? How do I stop myself from expecting so much from someone or from something?
Hi Bts army –
As you probably know, lots of people believe in something called the Law of Attraction. According to this, if you put your mind in a position of believing something good will happen to you – or even more so, that it’s already happened – and feel grateful about that, you will attract that good thing to you. So “I’m grateful I’m a millionaire,” or “I’m grateful I got the job I wanted” or “I’m grateful I married the person I most love” helps make those things happen.
I’m a believer in this, but more in the way that it avoids the opposite from happening. I can’t be sure that positive thinking will bring what a person wants, but I know very well that negative thinking will push those good things away. “I hate that I’ll never have enough money” keeps money away. “I hate that I only get crummy job offers” will keep away that dream gig. And most of all, “I hate that I only meet losers, and that everyone remotely worthy is already married or attracted to the opposite sex from me!” will definitely push potential partners away!
And of course the whole concept of prayer, which people have been doing for millennia, is based on this. “I believe that if I pray for _______, it has a better chance of happening.” So prayer then puts you in the mindset that that good thing is coming.
Where I disagree, of course, is, as a friend told me years ago, “God is not a vending machine!” Envisioning something doesn’t make it come true, and prayer doesn’t automatically manifest what you want. I think of it more like a garden – you plant a seed (wishing for something) and then treat the soil with just the right amount of water and sun and maybe nutrients (belief, faith, clearing space for that thing you want in your life), and there’s a really good chance that seed will grow.
To use myself as an example, I’m a very optimistic pup. Now wishing for my human friend Handsome to come home from work sooner won’t necessarily make it happen. But when he does, if I show him how happy I am to see him, he’s more likely to pet and play with me. And hanging around the kitchen with my eyes wide, and maybe sniffing at my bowl, will help him remember I haven’t been fed all day, which will likely get me a treat and then dinner!
So do I think your envisioning what you want will bring things to you sooner? Maybe, especially if you act on it. Do I think it’ll push things away? No, not at all.
But can your envisioning be one of the reasons you’re feeling disappointed and frustrated? Sure!
If I don’t think about Handsome not being home, and how much I want him to come back, I won’t feel bad about it. If I don’t think about how much I’d love a nice snack, I won’t feel bad about not having one.
But I think the trick is to change how you think about those things. Thinking “I want a big beautiful house. So I’m miserable that I don’t have that house” isn’t working for you. But what if you change it to: “I want a big beautiful house. And the best way to get that house will be to get a great job I love and am good at. And the best way to get that job will be to take this particular class. And the best way for me to take that class is to apply to ten schools so I’m sure to get into at least one, but I’m going to hope I get into my top choice.” That’s pretty good.
But then, while you’re doing that, you meet someone and get chatting, and you tell them about your dream and what you’re doing, and they say “Wow that’s amazing. I’m actually hiring someone for just a job like that. You don’t really need that class, since I already know you. You can come start tomorrow! And meanwhile, I know someone with a mansion looking for a house-sitter while they’re out of town for a year. Would you be interested?”
And that’s possible. BECAUSE you envisioned it, and owned your vision. Is it a guarantee? Of course not. But it’s possible, because you have made it possible.
And there’s my advice to you, Bts army.
And my wish for you, that all your best wishes come true!
Shirelle