Jigs24 asks: I am really stressed out, and have been for quite long time. There are so many problems going on between me and my partner and because of this I am unable to concentrate on my studies. All this is going on since more than a year. What should I do?
Hi Jigs24 –
I can’t help with any of the particular problems, as I don’t know what they are. But I’m going to assume you’re saying you want to stay with them, but just improve things so you can be a better student.
The biggest question I’d have for you then is: Does your partner also want to improve things?! And by that I mean, are they willing to work at it?
It’s funny, I’ve been watching couples my whole life, and one simple rule I’ve found is that the couples that succeed, that last and make each other happy, are the ones where both partners want to make it work more than they want anything else.
So in other words, when they have an argument, what’s more important? To win the argument or to stay together? When one meets someone really attractive whom they’d love to pursue, what’s more important? That desire or staying together?
(And on the dark side of this, when someone’s being abused by their partner, what’s more important? Their personal safety or staying together?)
If you and your partner both truly want this thing to work, then my suggestion is to go into couples counseling. Even if you’re not married, it doesn’t matter – find someone you can talk with who’ll help you two work out the issues that are hurting you.
But if you find that your partner doesn’t feel that way, doesn’t think it’s worth the work to make you both happy and fulfilled… Maybe it’s time for you to reconsider the relationship. No matter how many wonderful qualities that person has, they’ve been making you upset and messing with your schoolwork for a year. That doesn’t sound like a relationship destined to make either of you happy in the long run.
Whatever you do, I wish you the best of luck!
Shirelle