Soumyaguna asks:
I want to know why do people tend to show their emotions to us and when we try to say what we have to, we are not understood.
Why do people not care about what the other person might be going through, especially when you are not just anyone….you are someone special.
To be clear, I’m tired of explaining myself every time….I’m tired of making others understand what exactly I feel and how.
But deep inside I’m very sad realizing that I actually don’t have even one person in my life who understands me or with whom I can share things, not even my closest ones.
I ‘m tired of this all happening to me all the time….I’m done with this and cannot take anymore, cause it is causing so much harm to my mental peace where I don’t know how to move forward.
Things have just burdened me a lot, with piles of stress and a lot of complaints with close ones as they are the ones whom I care about and always will. But the ignorant attitude just isn’t going down well with me.
Hi Soumyaguna –
I know you asked about a lot of things, but fundamentally it seems to me that you’re asking about the problem that people aren’t sensitively picking up on what you’re feeling, or even expressing, and seem to need you to spell everything out for them (if they even care then!).
Of course I don’t know the people in your life, but I will point out something I’ve noticed about humans, which is that you guys have gigantic brains, and they tend to be filled with gigantic amounts of stuff!
We dogs are relatively simple. We feel every bit as deeply as humans do, but our thoughts tend to center on a smaller number of items: our safety, food, play, territory, and giving and receiving love. That’s largely it. Even the super-smart dogs you see doing amazing tricks in shows have been trained through love and food.
Meanwhile, you guys have SO MUCH STUFF on your minds. The same day your heart is broken by someone dumping you, you might have a big exam in a science class, you’re trying to remember all the lyrics to that new song you like, you’re trying to master how to drive your parents’ car, you’re struggling with conflicting feelings about your dad, you’re wondering if you wore the right outfit, and you’re responsible to remember all the different plays on your basketball team. That’s SO MUCH!
And my point is that that goes two ways. When a dog is upset, we’re clear about it. Maybe we yelp in pain, maybe we whine and lay our head in your lap, maybe we growl and snarl… whatever it is, it’s clear. But you guys have so many subtler expressions – sarcasm and silence and distance and begging for attention (okay yeah we do that last one too).
But when it comes to understanding what another person is feeling, that gets many times more complex. A person has to focus on someone else (and not that science exam or their jeans), and then read their feelings correctly, and then respond in a way that lets that person know their feelings have been seen in just the right way…
It’s hard, Soumyaguna. It’s hard for everyone. All the time.
But I’m going to make one big argument about your concern that no one understands. With all the complexities of the human mind, the amazing astounding unbelievable fact is that people everywhere are mostly just the same. There’s a reason certain movies or songs or shows are universally popular – it’s because everyone can relate to those feelings.
Now you might have people in your life who don’t understand WHY you feel the way you do. But I promise, there’s no feeling you’ve had that everyone you know hasn’t also had. Sadness, heartbreak, ecstasy, hilarity, loneliness, alienation… everyone’s been there.
So your job – and I know it’s hard – is to find a way to connect to other people’s feelings, even if your reasons are your own.
Here’s an example. A guy falls head over heels in love with a woman who doesn’t love him back. In fact, they don’t share many interests, and she doesn’t treat him well. She breaks up with him, and he’s devastated. He goes to see a friend. The friend gets annoyed with him for acting so glum. Now we’re looking at just one of those “no one understands” situations, right?
So our guy explains he’s just been dumped. The friend says “Good, she was useless!”
He explains that he loved her. “Well that’s just stupid. She treated you horribly!”
He explains that that’s true, but he still loved every second with her. “But that’s silly. You weren’t doing any of the things you like to do!”
He explains that that’s true too, but that his love for her was bigger than all that, and her leaving makes him feel hopeless and unlovable.
OH OKAY! That friend has felt THAT! And that’s when that friend, if they’re a good friend, says “Oh man I’ve been there!” and tells them THEIR awful story about when they felt that way. Maybe they have a couple of beers. Maybe they talk till they start laughing about their awful relationships. Whatever it is, a line has been crossed. And our fellow doesn’t feel alone anymore.
Sure he still misses her, and his heart still hurts, but connecting with that friend helped him move forward.
But as you see, the friend didn’t get it at first. It took some work to get there.
Now Soumyaguna, you may be right about some of the people in your life, that they’re not interested enough in your feelings to care. If so, those don’t seem to be the best people for you to put your trust and emotions onto. Better to find someone who’s better at it.
And you know where I’m going to go with this – there’s NO ONE better for this than a dog! We may not understand your reasons or your stories, but we connect to every emotion you have, and WE CARE. We care as much as we do about ourselves!
And unlike your human friends, we’re very happy to lick all the tears off your face!
So please don’t give up on everyone, and give people the chance and the information they need to connect with you. But if they can’t… just remember, we’re out here, always eager to give you just what you need.
All my best,
Shirelle