What to do with someone just out of a relationship who doesn’t know what they want

Prince2411 asks:

There’s a girl I was with for 7years, we recently broke up due to some reasons, but she came back, and we’ve been talking for a couple months, we say I love you’s, good nights and all that. In the meantime , she still thinks of giving that guy she was dating after me a chance, even though she knows it won’t work. And they broke up 2 months ago as well, because even she knows it wouldn’t have worked.  But she’s still talking to him, like she feels obligated. In this duration, so many guys have hit on her, one of whom was a good friend of hers. She was affected by that but it doesn’t seem to make a huge impact, though she went to meet him and some other school friends of hers. But when it comes to meeting me, there are always replies like “I’ll try” and all that. Why does she say this? I know she loves me. But she is really misguided and immature right now. What should I do?

Hi Prince2411 –

            I can answer your overall question in one sentence:  She. Is. Confused!

            This girl dated you for seven years, you guys broke up, she got involved with someone else, they broke up, and for the past two months she’s been dealing with him reaching out to her, talking sweetly with you, and even getting hit on by lots of other guys. 

            She’s not ready to get involved with you yet.  And if she knows what’s good for her, she’s not ready to get involved with ANYONE yet, and maybe not for a while.

            I’m glad she hasn’t agreed to her ex or any of these other guys.  If it were possible, I’d send her to a beautiful island where she could relax by herself for a month or two and live off berries and mangos, and just breathe.  She needs to grow, to figure out who she is now that she’s out of that relationship, and to reconnect with what she wants.

            And at the moment, she’s not able to do any of those things!

            So here’s my advice.  Continue to be the best friend you can be.  Don’t insist on meeting up; let her know you’ll be glad to when she’s ready, but honor her need for space.  Then in a few weeks, maybe a month, if she hasn’t brought it up yet, you can suggest meeting in some very innocent way, like having lunch.

            But don’t be just another of those guys asking her to be theirs.  Until she can choose for herself, they’ll just get a pretty companion for the moment, and not the wonderful woman you know.

            Best of Luck!


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