It’s been 10 months already with my beloved girlfriend and some things are kind of different. We still hang out, have dates, kiss and all those intimate things, but in social media it’s kind of lowkey. She’s not mentioning me that much, yet she still posts something about us, no more flood of likes. Anyway, my question is how can I tell if we both have grown into our relationship more strong and mature than before, rather than its fading away? What’s the difference?
Hi PERFECTION –
I have an answer for you, but it’s not exactly answering your question.
The fact is, you are a deeply questioning person. That’s why we get along so well! Other people look at a situation, see it in the simplest way possible, and assume they’re correct, and don’t give it another thought.
That’s not you. And it never will be.
You are a questioner, and a wonderer, and yes, a worrier! You will always look at situations and say “It looks like ________, but it also could be ___________, and it even might be _____________, or something else I haven’t even thought of!”
And because of that, you are questioning whether your relationship getting more relaxed, less anxious, is a sign of build-up or break-down.
And here’s the bad answer: I don’t know!
But I’ll make a guess. I’m going to guess it’s Both!
As relationships become more stable, some excitement is lost. When Handsome first brought me home from the pound I was terrified he wouldn’t like me, and so thrilled about him, and making mistakes like peeing in the house that made him angry, and he was just as worried about me. But then things got better. Way better. I knew the rules and followed them, and I knew he loved me and wasn’t going to send me back. And he trusted that I was going to stick around and mostly do what he said.
Which was wonderful… and kind of boring. So then it got to where I might not care whether he was in the house or not, or he didn’t worry if he had to stay away longer. We started taking each other for granted. And then little things that annoyed us about each other (my shedding, or his hugging me too tight) got to mean more to us. And at times we didn’t even feel we totally liked each other!
But then we’d realize we were the best thing that had ever happened in our lives, and suddenly adore each other even better than before.
And this has happened more times than I can count – and maybe more times than Handsome can!
So what should you do? If you think your relationship is losing a little spark, do something to make it more exciting again. I know it’s hard during this lockdown, but maybe take her to see something neither of you have seen before, or tell her something about you that she doesn’t know. Whatever might help.
And here’s the big deal, PERFECTION – couples need to do this kind of thing all through the happiest of marriages. It’s very important, and more common than you can imagine.
So what makes me so very happy about your letter is that you guys are THAT good! Good enough to worry about how to keep the excitement up!
I couldn’t be happier. I hope that’s true of you and her as well!
All my best,