Is it better or worse for families to pick their children’s spouses?

Hi Shirelle,

                 As for the girl I am seeing, it didn’t work out between our families so I am not seeing her now. Sometimes things just feel like the “Super Mario” game. Where you play the whole level just to know at the end that “your queen is in another castle” .  But some things are not in my control to make things work.

                 I just don’t understand, in an arranged marriage, who should be given weightage: the girl or her family.  In this case, her family was too concerned with a lot of things and this behavior my parents didn’t like. So they decided not to continue the process with this family.

                 I don’t know if whatever happened was good or bad.



Hi Kiran1209 –

I’m not one to argue for or against the system of arranged marriage.  But the best argument I’ve ever heard for it is that most people become, as they age, more like their parents.  So parents actually have a better sense of whether their kid and someone are right for each other than the two young people do.  

If that’s the case, you may well find, twenty years or so from now, that you’re very glad to be with a woman who shares your values, and that you’re not in that other family (even though you might still like them).  But if you’re an exception to the argument, maybe you’ll always have some resentment that you got paired up with someone more like your parents, and less like this girl you were so fond of.

I have no idea which will happen.  Though I do believe, from everything you say, that your parents’ intention is completely good.  As are her parents’ intentions.

All I can do is wish for you the incredible luck that I had – that my “arranged marriage” that happened when Handsome bought me at the pound, has been the joy of my life, and that I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else.  May you find a woman you treasure and feel gratitude for every moment, for the rest of this life and beyond.

That’s not too much to ask, is it?!



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