Should men or women initiate conversations?

PERFECTION asks:  Will it kill women to chat to men first? Is it that hard?  Is that really how it should be?  I have someone that I currently have been chatting with, and I always am the one to reach out first. Does that mean anything? I mean, could it be a sign that she’s not interested in me? What do you think I should do??


This is yet another one of those cases where we dogs are so different from you!  We like to be the first to start conversations.  That way we can try to set the situation, whether it’ll be playing, fighting, or avoiding.  And I love running up to people I like and jumping on them, licking their faces, all that.  Why would I want to wait for them?!

But I know, you guys see things differently, and start to feel disrespected or unwanted when someone else isn’t initiating your contact at least part of the time.

So you ask if it’s hard to do?  No.

But then you ask if it means anything.  And with that, I’m not so sure.  Humans have many different and complex agendas.  So is she trying to let you down easily, in a not-so-hurtful way?  Or is she playing by some rule-book that says the woman should wait for the man to initiate contact so she doesn’t seem easy and not worth the effort?  Or is she just busy a lot, or does she lack a certain set of manners?!

I have no idea!

But you have every right to ask her.  Maybe in a more polite tone than you presented to me, though!!  Something more like “Hey I’m noticing I’m always the one initiating our chats.  Is there something I should be picking up from this?  Would you rather I didn’t reach out as much?”  And if she says “Oh my God, no!  Please keep reaching out, you’re the highlight of my every day!” then I think you’re in pretty good shape.  Or if she says “Well I’m busy a lot of the time, and you keep interrupting me while I’m in other conversations with guys,” then that says something else!

I fully understand that you don’t want to come off as weak or begging.  But to, from a place of strength and confidence, ask if there’s a reason for it… I think that ought to be fine.

Or actually, here’s what I really believe: if she’s interested in you, then the question will be fine and she’ll let you know it (and probably be complimented at your interest).  But if she’s not, she might find it annoying.  And either one will tell you what you need to know.

Here’s Hoping for the Best!


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