Audrey Melanie asks: Do you believe in love at first sight?! I have never loved or felt loved but I have always believed in love. Never been into any relationship, but always dream of being in one. I am 22 years old, denied and rejected by everyone, including my own family, but strongly believe all I need is love to move on. I need to love and experience love, but there is a problem: I don’t know how to get it. A lot of men have approached me, but my conscience always rejects them. I always reject someone from the way I see them the very first time we meet. I plan to love but I am so choosy in everything (it’s not about looks, but once I realize a certain kind of behaviour, I keep off). I need love, and I want to love, but I don’t know to start and I don’t really know what love really is. I need help. I strongly believe I will love the person am attracted to at first sight, but what if it’s all infatuation and I end up heartbroken? Do you believe in true love at first sight?!
Hi Audrey Melanie –
I am a dog. And as a dog, I fall in love at first sight ALL THE TIME! I see a person or a dog and am instantly smitten – I want to jump on them and lick them and chew on them and become best friends with them all at once!
But that doesn’t mean I know anything about them. I don’t know if they’re really nice, I don’t know if they’re trustworthy, and I sure don’t know if they’re someone I’d want to spend the rest of my life with.
So it seems to me you’re asking something bigger than I’m suggesting. You’re asking if it’s possible to, at first sight, know that someone is totally right for you and will always be. And my quick simple answer to you is… No. Absolutely not.
We can pick up a lot at a first meeting. Sometimes a person will meet someone and know at once that they ‘resonate,’ that they have similar energies, that they’re mutually attracted, that they have some values in common. And that’s a lot! But they’re not everything.
For starters, it’s easily possible that you could meet someone and be correct about all those things, and then discover that they’re married, or devoutly belong to a different religion from yours, or have some other quality that means you can’t live in the same place. They could even have a different sexual orientation! Just about anything could be possible.
But it’s also possible that you could get along beautifully, get involved romantically, and discover other sides of them over time – maybe a meanness, a cruelty, prejudices you simply can’t live with.
These things take time to learn. And I wonder if you’re hurting yourself by expecting too much to happen in an instant. You are clearly a wonderful, loving person, and deserve to experience the kind of love you crave. So how about if you take a chance on some guys who you find attractive enough, but who do have the behaviors you’ve demanded. Love can build, when you’re with someone who’s right for you.
You know, maybe I should change what I said at first. Maybe I don’t really fall in love at first sight all the time. I go crazy for people and pups, and want all those things I said. But I had all those feelings for Handsome when I met him, and my feelings today are so much deeper and bigger. He’s become my everything in so many ways. And yeah, that’s taken lots of time and experience and work.
So find some wonderful people and get out there and learn what it’s like to love someone a little, to have some commitment, to get a little intimate. And my guess is, if you do, you’ll find soon enough that the wild gigantic overwhelming love you dream of will explode, inside you and right before your eyes.
All my best,