Zel-bell asks: I am 8 months pregnant and my boyfriend has taken me for granted since the day I found out. He supports me with buying baby stuff etc., but he chooses his friends and nice times above me. I keep on giving him chances, but he just doesn’t adore me. He keeps making empty promises, so I decided to leave him. Can you help me get over him?
Hi Zel-bell –
I am not a big one for telling people to stay in the wrong relationship, but in your case I’m going to make an exception. For a couple of reasons.
First, it is very normal for men to pull away a bit during their woman’s pregnancy. It’s not that they don’t care about the woman, or about the upcoming baby. It’s that this change is so huge that they need to withdraw a bit. The fact that this guy is buying things tells me he cares at least about his future son or daughter. But you’re absolutely correct that he needs to pay more attention to you – and you should tell him so, in no uncertain terms! You are his future – you will always be the mother of his child! So if you’re still together, he needs to learn new ways to be with you. And if he thinks you’re a little boring to hang out with now, just wait till you’re raising an infant! He’ll need to be there a lot, while you’re exhausted, irritable, and in pain, with a screaming kid! So in other words, I’m suggesting that he needs to grow up a bit, rather than for you two to split up.
Second, you may be feeling more negative about the situation because you’re in lots of discomfort, you’re not sleeping enough, and your hormones are going wild! I’m not saying that you’re wrong to be irritated with him, but you might be more irritated now than you otherwise would, which means it might be a bad time to make a huge decision that affects your, and your baby’s, lives forever.
And Third, I want you to be a little selfish. In a few weeks, you’re going to need ALL THE HELP YOU CAN GET! Do you really want him not around? Unless you have a tremendously organized setup, early motherhood is about as hard as anything you’ll ever do. Keep him around, and get him to bring those friends he enjoys so much over too! One can cook you dinner while another washes sheets and diapers, and another watches the baby while you sleep, and another helps to pay the hospital bill!
So my overall advice, Zel-bell, is that you just stay with him for now. If, a few months after the baby’s born, you still feel the same way, then sure, you can make the choice to break up. But right now I don’t see how it would help you at all (I don’t think you’ll be doing any dating in the next couple of months!), and it could really hurt your life.
Instead, I’d say to focus on the baby. And improve your relationship any way you can, but… that baby! That’s the most exciting thing in the whole world! And it’s coming to you VERY VERY SOON!
Congratulations and All The Very Best Luck!