How to deal with a boyfriend or girlfriend who demands more of your time

Nsom asks: I love this girl from the past 2 years. And I know she feels the same because she has told me multiple times. But she wants some time to get into a relationship. But she always moves away and I don’t get the same attention from her until I try and spend as much time as possible, even with me busy with my hectic work schedule. I feel insecure now. How can I get her to give the same attention back to me once again? Or what can I do to improve the relationship I have with her?

Hi Nsom –

So if I understand this right, she’s saying that she loves you, but she wants to move slowly in your relationship, and she insists on your full attention before she’ll spend time with you.

I think maybe she’s kind of perfect! 

No one really likes getting half of anyone’s attention, until a relationship is so comfortable that it’s nice to just hang out doing different things (like I love it when Handsome sits in the yard with me reading while I sniff around for squirrels – but we have a very  comfortable, committed relationship).  And I find so many young women struggle with owning their right to demand this – and she’s sounding really healthily together on this!

So if I’m understanding everything rightly, she’s telling you how to get more attention from her, which is to make time in your busy schedule to give her your full attention.  And if that’s two hours a week, then maybe that’s all you can get right now.  But she loves you and is willing to take time on this, so I think you’re in good shape.

And if this leaves you super-frustrated, and you want more time with her… then you and she are in exactly the same place!  And whether you can put a little less time into your work, or pass up on some other things in your life… I think she’s saying that’s the key!

Congratulation, and best of luck!


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