Is it a problem if your husband or wife flirts with others?

Rick asks: My wife has a male friend who she texts the same pictures she does me (not nude). They chat about how her day was, financial problems etc. She told me he had made a pass at her before we got married, but she says he’s not her type. Can she really see him as a friend or am I missing something?

Hi Rick –

Of course, I’m just a dog.  I’m not psychic or a mind-reader, so I can’t tell you what’s going on in her (or her friend’s) brain. 

But from what you tell me, I can make a guess. 

First of all, I doubt she’s cheating on you.  Cheaters usually hide things from their spouses, and she’s being very open about this.  So, to answer your question, yes I think she sees him as a friend.

But then there’s that second point, him.  What I don’t know is how he’s feeling.  You see, I know lots of married people who have great friends who they could  be having affairs with but aren’t.  My human friend Handsome has a number of married female friends, and he’d never consider doing anything to mess with their marriages, even if one of them came on to him.  He values them too much.

But it’s that thing about her sending photos to him that concerns me.  It’s very normal for a person who’s fully committed to their spouse, to still enjoy the attention and attraction they get from someone else.  And is her sending those photos to this man (who’s made it clear he’s attracted to her, and whom she rebuffed as “not her type”) a way of keeping his interest.  Innocently, but still wanting it?

And if so, might he get the wrong idea, and make another pass?  Or, if not, might his feelings actually be a bit hurt, that she’s flirting with him when they both know it can’t go anywhere? 

Or does he like the fact that this woman he’s attracted to, who is happily married to someone else, still flirts with him, making him feel relevant and attractive?

You see, I don’t know the answer to these.  Again, I think you’re fine, and there’s nothing big to be concerned about.  But are there small things that might evolve into bigger issues someday?  Maybe.

Anyway, that’s the best this pup can do!  (And by the way, I’m completely devoted to my human, but I still flirt with EVERYBODY!)

All my best,


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