How to choose between a long-distance relationship and a new person

LK asks: I have a boyfriend and we just turned 5 months. It’s a long-distance relationship and we’ve never met. We are planning on meeting this holiday. We rarely talk during the school term because he has his phone taken away. Problem is I think I have started catching feelings for another guy who I talk to everyday. He likes me too. What should I do (N.B I am 16 years old)?? I am really confused.

Hi LK –

This is an issue we dogs have a lot of trouble grasping.  Now as you probably know, I have a human I love more than anything, who I call Handsome.  Sometimes, Handsome will leave me for a while – like over a week! – and I’ll stay with a friend.  So of course I don’t forget Handsome, I dream of him every night, but nothing keeps me from jumping on that friend, licking their face like crazy, and cuddling up to them at night.  It’s not that I’m not attached to Handsome; it’s just that he’s not there!  (And of course, if he didn’t want me to cuddle up to his friends, he wouldn’t leave me with them!)

So we pups have two problems understanding situations like yours.  Firstly, our brains can’t even comprehend having a committed “boyfriend-girlfriend” relationship with someone we’ve never even sniffed.  And secondly, we have trouble understanding why it would be bad for you to hang out with someone else who is close by.

I’m not saying you’re wrong; just that it’s hard for us to understand!

So with this long-distance guy, you’ve been a couple of sorts for five months?  And he hasn’t even been able to communicate on phone for a while?  Well it sure makes sense to me that you’d have gotten more interested in someone else, someone you’ve been able to talk with.

In fact, it’s hard for me to think your boyfriend wouldn’t understand if you chose the other guy over him, just because of the distance and lack of communication.

But if you’re not sure what you want, then I’d say to hold off.  Keep talking to this one boy, but don’t do anything you might regret until you have actually met the boyfriend. 

And then, I want you to do something very hard:

Decide between the two.  Yes, that means taking a chance on hurting the feelings of one of them.

But you are sixteen.  I know it feels like you have the whole world on your shoulders, but for a human you’re still very young.  (Have you ever known a two-year-old dog?  In our years, that’s about the same age you are!  And I can tell you, I was still VERY immature at that age!)

So I love that you’re having these experiences, and I love that you’re willing to have a long-distance relationship (since that is a great way to prevent you making certain kinds of mistakes!).  But that youth also means that you get  to make mistakes now!  You get to choose the wrong guy.  You get to hurt feelings, and get your feelings hurt.  It’s more than okay, it’s really healthy!

Ten years from now, you’ll be at an age where I might not be so definite about this.  But for now, I’d say to let yourself meet both guys, and see what you think.

Even if both relationships fall apart, you have the rest of your life in front of you.  So why not take the risk of choosing the one you like best!

Have Fun!


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