Should you stay in a relationship when you’re interested in someone unattainable?

CBqueens asks: I’m in a relationship with a very awesome guy and we are in love but I’m falling very deeply for someone else, who is also dating, but his girlfriend is in another country. But he loves her so much and I’m getting uncomfortable with everything. We are going out, having fun, loving each other and all, but I’m just confused. I want out, to focus on my relationship, but I can’t do it. I need help.

Hi CBqueens –

Now if I understand this correctly, you’re in a relationship with a guy who’s absolutely terrific, and having a great time with him.  But you’re falling for another guy, who has a girlfriend.

Now this other guy might be amazing, but this looks a lot, to me, like you’re getting afraid of commitment.

We dogs don’t have this problem very often – we commit quickly, easily, and, if life is good to us, permanently.  So it really sticks out when I see this in humans.  You realize the relationship you’re in is so good that you might be stuck in it forever, and that terrifies you.  But instead of just screaming in horror, your clever brains tell you “I’m not all that interested in this perfect person.  I’d far rather be with that unattainable one over there.”  (You see, there’s no danger of commitment with a guy who has another girlfriend!)

Now here’s my problem.  What I don’t know is

what you’d actually like.  Maybe you’re a free spirit who hates the idea of being “tied down” in a relationship, and so it would really be best for you to just let this relationship go, even though it’s great.  Or maybe you dream of marriage and children and staying together forever, so it would be best for you to work on your issues and stay.  Or perhaps you’re somewhere in between.

So I can’t honestly tell you what to do… yet. 

Except that you absolutely need to figure out which you want.  Not even which guy, just which life. 

Then, if you decide you want to stay, I can help you with that.  Or if you decide you want to go, I can…  well you probably won’t need my help with that!

But it really is up to you.  And you asking yourself some very tough questions, about who you are and what you want (at least for now).

So the one big advice I can give you is to put your focus on you, and not on the two guys.  Figure out what you want, and then, afterwards, look at them.

And while they’re still both going to look wonderful to you, that should help make your decision a lot easier.

Best of Luck with it!


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