How to befriend a crush

Dragonmonkeystyle asks: I have a crush on a girl. She is very beautiful. I want her to be my girlfriend. We used to attend the same class. I haven’t spoken to her face to face. I have only texted her via Instagram. She replied to my texts at the beginning. The texts were regarding classes. I did not text her after that. After a month I said hi. But she did not reply. The next day I again said hello and she did not reply. I don’t know what to do next. I love her a lot. Can you tell me what I can do next. I want her with me for the rest of my life.

Hi Dragonmonkeystyle –

Well I’d love to give you a perfect answer, but it really depends on her. 

First of all, while I completely believe your statement that you love her a lot, you need to realize that what you love is her beauty.  Even if you know a little about her from that class, there’s way more that you don’t know at all.

So what you really need to do is to find a way to get to know her better.  And, at the same time, to give her a chance to know you.  Put aside the “girlfriend” part for now, and just try to become acquaintances. 

Now you’ve tried a few ways, and that’s great.  And I’m just guessing here, but there’s a really good chance that, because she’s so beautiful, LOTS of guys pursue her on Instagram, and texts, and even by saying “Hi.”  And she’s learned to not respond to them, because the moment she does, they all start acting like… well, like she’s their girlfriend!  And she’s not remotely feeling like that for them.

So what is it you have

in common with her? Or what is it that she’s really interested in? Or what is it that you’re great at? Any of those could be a way to connect.

For example, you had a class together.  Is there a way to talk about that with her?  Something like “Hey are you thinking of taking Physics as well as the Chemistry we had?  I’m trying to decide what I should do.”  There’s a real connection.  Or “I heard you singing in the choir, and you’re great.  I’m thinking of taking singing lessons, and imagine you did.  Do you have a teacher you recommend?”  Or “I’m putting together a study group, and we only have one girl, and she’s feeling uncomfortable.  Would you want to join us, so she’s not alone in this?!  It’s all really good students; we’re just trying to make sure we all get straight A’s this term.” 

See where I’m going?  Any of those give her a reason – other than you being so attracted to her – for her to connect with you.

When I go to the dog park, we all sniff each other, and I love finding dogs to play with.  Sometimes, a fellow will insist on trying to climb onto me.  I always tell him no – sometimes a bit violently.  That’s not what I want, especially from someone I don’t know well.  I just want to play. 

I’m guessing that’s where she is.  And I can tell you, being the most beautiful girl is wonderful, but it’s also really difficult!  So treat her as a person (not denying her beauty, but just dealing with other parts of her), and you may well find your chances of dating improve a lot!

Best of Luck!


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