How to move from hookup to dating

Free asks: So I met this guy a few months back, but became friends with him 1 month ago because he shifted into my line, and all the other people and he became friends. And now we all are good friends – he doesn’t really open up to those people but does open up to me, coz I started liking him since the time he moved in (he doesn’t know it). But then I messaged him one day, and we met outside. No one knew. We started doing it more and more. One day he offered to hookup. I said yes cause I really liked him. Since them it’s been 5-6 times I’ve hooked up with him. I told him I’ve started to have feelings for him, and he said he wants to know more, but then I forgot to raise the issue again. Now since we’re hooking up nowadays (no one knows whenever we hookup), he makes this cute gesture every time, and I love it. He’s cute all the time! I want to date him, but he says that he doesn’t think something like dating can happen between us, probably because he’s a high school guy and 2 elder to me. So how do I turn him to like me in that manner that he dates me?

Hi Free –

So this is right where we dogs tend to get confused.  When I tell you what I do with people or other dogs, it’s very straightforward – I might jump on one person and lick their face, or I bite another person in the leg.  And I might growl and bark at a dog, or jump on them and play-fight for hours, or just sniff their butt and be satisfied and walk away from them.  (And there’s something else that I might have really liked to do with a male dog, but because I was spayed at six months old, I never go into heat, and so that won’t ever happen)

Now you humans have all these words you use that sort-of tell what you’re doing.  Words like “hook up,” and “date.”  Now to my mind, “hook up” can mean to just meet or talk, but clearly you mean more.  I do hear it often used to mean kissing and hugging and such… where all clothes stay on but you’re acting out your affection and desire.  Is that what you mean by it?

And “date” can mean a number of things, but I’m guessing you mean for him to actually take you out in public and go do things together, like see movies or have dinners.  And thereby, to be more “official” in your relationship.

I’m asking all this because I want to make sure you know what I mean.  Especially if I’m misunderstanding you!

But if I have this right, this guy and you are having this fun experience of secretly sneaking out when you’re with friends, and kissing and such.  But when you said you’d like to actually go out on dates, he said no because he’s too much older than you.

Is that correct?

Well, if so, I really only have a couple of comments.  First, the

odds are extremely good that you two will get caught by your friends, sometime, if you keep doing what you’re doing.  People will notice that you’re missing together, or someone will just step out that door and see you two.  So if he’s refusing to date you, but keeps doing this, because he wants things kept secret, it’s going to stop working soon.

And second, I don’t know where you live, but there might be very strict laws about what teens can do at certain ages.  And if he’s worried you’re too far apart to date, you two might be actually breaking the law already – or on your way to it!  So I respect his concern, but I’d say to check out the laws, and find out exactly what you two can and can’t do – before getting caught becomes not just an embarrassment, but a legal problem for you both (especially him).

But wait.  What if you read those two thoughts and said “No, we’d both be okay with getting caught by our friends.  Half of them suspect already anyway,” and “We checked out the laws and are just fine”…  and he’s still  saying dating would be a problem?  Then I’d suggest you talk with him some more, and find out exactly what he’s afraid of.  Is he socially embarrassed to be seen with a girl a couple of years younger than him?  Is he hoping for someone else his own age?!

And if it’s something like this, you might want to rethink your interest in him.  As of now, he sounds pretty great.  But if you find he’s not as nice or loving or into you as he’s seemed, you might want to say “Sorry, you may be older than me, but I think I need to find someone more mature!”

Again, it sounds like so far you’ve both done a good job of keeping things from going too far.  The question now is how you handle the next step.  And what I want, more than anything else, is for you to be happy and secure and safe, while having this fun.

So maybe let me know about all those questions I asked.  And if I’m on the right track!



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