Chica asks: I met a guy about a year ago at a College event. I thought he was really cute. We spoke but I was too shy to get his number. Now after a year I finally got his number at Debate Competition Website. So I decided to text him regarding the competition, as I didn’t wanted to look desperate. I actually lied to him about signing up for the debate competition that he is conducting in order to hit up a conversation. But the problem is that he is now asking me details regarding the competition which I don’t have. So how should I tell him that I lied just in order to talk to him?! I am afraid that he might think of me as a stalker or psychopath because we met a year ago. But I still remember each and every moment from that day. Should I tell him that I lied, and I really think that he is cute and I would like to go out with him? Will I look like a stalker and a desperate person?
Hi Chica –
WOW! What a story! I have to admit, I’ve gotten thousands of letters, but never one like this before!
I have to admit, I’m stumped. I’ve been trying to figure out an answer, but the only thing I can come up with is a story my human friend Handsome told me, about a guy he worked with long ago. This man had his eye on another man at work, and was trying to get the guts up to pursue him (which is scary to do today but was even scarier back then). He told his friends that he had this fantasy of inviting the man back to his hotel room to share a great bottle of rare Scotch whiskey. Then, when the man showed up, he’d say, “I have a confession to make. I don’t have any Scotch.” And that the man would respond, “That’s alright. I don’t drink Scotch!”
Handsome couldn’t remember if anything ever ended up happening between the guys, but he always remembered that fantasy, as it was such a funny and exciting idea.
So… can you dare this? Can you let this guy know, at just the right moment, that actually you’re not a debater?
Now there’s a lot I don’t know here. Do you two live at all close to each other? Could you meet face-to-face? And could you tell him then about your lie?
See, here’s the thing. Like Handsome’s friend, you’re not doing anything to this guy except giving him maybe the greatest compliment of his life! And while of course you’re frightened – that he won’t be interested, that he’ll think you’re odd or, as you say, a stalker – the fact is that you’ve done nothing but be incredibly sweet. And if he’s worthy of you, he’ll see that.
But I do think this will be better in person. After all, are you even sure if he remembers you by name, from the event? If not, how could he respond to your truth except to say, “Ummm… wow… that’s, uh, so nice… I, uh, gotta go now, but gee, thanks!”
But if you meet him in person and look him straight in the eye and say “I’m not on the debate team. I just needed an excuse to meet with you,” then there’s no way he won’t be at least intrigued!
So is there a way to do that? Could you just respond to his questions by saying “Could we talk about this over coffee?” Or is that impossible?
Let me know. But for now, again, I just have to say… WOW!!
BEST of luck!