At what point do you call a behavior cheating?

Sid8879 asks: I have been in a relationship for the last 3 years (now a long-distance one), and my girlfriend cheated me two or three times. I caught her chatting with her ex and other boys in flirty ways. I really love her a lot and can’t lose her. Every time she says it’s my fault – why am I spying on her? She is not ashamed or guilty that she has cheated on me, but she shouted at me because I spied on her. She doesn’t share anything with me, she always keeps scolding me. She always talks rudely, but I can’t face her. It’s like I have lost all my self-respect. I really want to forget her. Today she fought with me because I didn’t pick up her call – as I was in the washroom – and she broke up with me. I’m really losing my self-respect. I really love her and want her back. I want to be happy. But I am fed up with her lies.

Hi Sid8879 –


I guess I have two answers for you.  First, it does sound like she’s treating you badly, and ruining your self-esteem.  I’ve watched my human friend Handsome in relationships that do that to him, and it never works out well: the lower his self-esteem gets, the less she cares for him, and so it’s just a question of when it will all end (and not if).


So if things are really this bad, even though you still love her, you might consider ending the romance – even though you say she already did it.  (And if she wants you badly enough, that might make her willing to change her behavior, and treat you with more affection and respect, even from a distance).


But second, I am a bit confused.  You say that she cheated on you a number of times, but then you talk about her flirting or talking with other guys.  Is that what you are calling “cheating?”  Or are you saying she actually got involved physically with these other guys, as well as chatting and flirting?


If it’s just talking, I think you might be putting too tight a leash onto her.  In today’s world, women and men talk together all the time.  And some people are just naturally flirtatious for fun, and don’t mean anything serious by it.


So maybe let me know what exactly she’s done, so I can help more.  But if she’s really torturing you, I’d say to see what happens if you try ending things.  You deserve to be treated better than this.


Thanks again,


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